[long rant post] Is it weird or selfish that I don't want the person who got me kicked out of my last org to join my new org??? [cw: mention of suicide]

Maybe not really a question, more of a vent. But 5 years ago I was doing lib issue activism (let me keep it vague to not get myself doxxed). I was close to this person in the org. We even got so close that we went on holidays together. When they were in this hospital for a week, I was there every fecking day.

Over the course of our short but intense friendship, I started to notice that literally every time we met, they were shit talking other activists. I did say that they needed to discuss it with the person in question, I did let them know it wasn't cool. I also noticed that there was a lot of drama between them and other members. When shit happened, it was always "let me send out a ten paragraph email on why that activist is shit, but never CC the person in". And always, this former friend was never wrong about anything, could never apologise, which frankly is one of my big pet peeves. Heck, I apologise and self-crit constantly.

Back in 2019, I said that I don't like having people raise their voice to me and order me around, as this former friend liked to do. Over a course of a month, lots of former friends become really cold to me without reason. People stopped replying to texts. I asked for an explanation but got none. After 3 months, I was officially removed from the group's Whatsapp group by this former friend. When I asked for an explanation, they blocked me. I swear to god, I was never given an explanation. For the benefit of the movement, I didn't make a big deal out of it. Although it hurt like shit.

It led to 2 years of feeling suicidal, depression, medication, and therapy. After which I became a much harder leftist. Fuck rich people like them.

I'm not saying I was perfect. Lib ButtBidet was pretty dramatic, and lacked people and coping skills back then. Nowadays, when friendships need to die, I like them die gracefully, and just more slowly reply to texts and shit. There's no point and feeling sad that a friend won't admit to making a mistake and keeps making it, it's best to move on.

AFAIK, the movement that we were in together is now dead locally. I strongly suspect it has a lot to do with this person's toxicity, as they tend to have their "activist enemy of the day" but honestly it could be anything.

Anyhow, since then I've joined a local left org, and we've been doing very well. I've been doing it for 4 years and it's great. I'm one of the key organisers. Now this old activist friend has started showing up to our events. I can't explicitly kick them out, because they're not racist or anything. But honestly gossiping and not apologising are pretty toxic traits for an org. I tried to explain it to the other key people but it's just empathy and shrugs. I get it, the person hasn't doing violence or anything.

Thanks for letting me vent