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Place the seats in sleds out the front, and attach them to reins on one of the missiles in the battery.
It can't be any more dangerous than being in a helicopter that's decided today's the day.
Major Mindbleach made local headlines today as he drove a Santa Claus-esque sleigh attached to an AARGM directly over the heads of local combatants. Spectators say that instead of dropping gifts like his holiday counterpart, Mindbleach was dropping dook as he shit his pants repeatedly moving at speeds of Mach 2+ attached to a ballistic missile. The final status of Mindbleach is unknown. More information as the story develops.
Boeing adamantly insisted this not count toward any statistics on the reported dangers of their aircraft, as the system was working as intended at the time of the pilot's exit. All questions about subsequent events should be directed to the manufacturer of the missile.