cross-posted from: https://lemmy.zip/post/26080110 > > Research into psychology of people in US and UK suggests it is better to submit work on time rather than perfecting it through procrastination > > Study: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0749597824000578

The Two Articles from the Economist:

Researchers are questioning if ADHD should be seen as a disorder. The Economist, October 30, 2024. https://archive.is/a4xbu

ADHD should not be treated as a disorder. The Economist, October 30, 2024. https://archive.is/hNPIQ#selection-97...

Hi, I am taking part in a research project and for that I need to conduct a very small survey. It is about the daily challenges faced by parents raising children who struggle with ADHD and aggressive behavior. My goal is to better understand the specific difficulties families encounter, so we can identify and develop more effective resources and support.

We are currently in the very early phase where we conduct this survey and later, me and my team will be working towards creating a technical solution (most likely an app) for emotional fitness and mental health for this.

Thanks in advance for taking the time in filling out the survey.

Here are the questions:

1. What are the most challenging moments or behaviors you encounter with your child on a typical day?

2. How does your child's ADHD and aggression impact their relationships with you, their siblings, friends, or classmates?

3. What strategies or methods have you tried to manage your child's aggressive behavior, and how effective have they been?

4. How does your child's condition affect your personal life, mental health, and/or relationships with others?

5. What resources, support systems, or information do you feel would help you most in managing your child's challenges?

Keep in mind that, it is obviously anonymous and you don't have to answer all the questions, just as much as you can answer. So no pressure!

I wonder whether that is an ADHD thing or whether I'm also an idiot: When a website has more than 1 clear menu and one content area, I don't get it.

E. g. a site is quite overloaded with distributed buttons for print, profile etc. When I gradually resize it, they suddenly "disappear" and a hamburger menu appears. I just stand there baffled where the buttons went.

Consoles work great for me, though. I have to remember a few commands, look the rest up as needed, and it's no problem.

A HUGE breakthrough for me was when operating systems and applications started this trend that you just type part of what you want and it searches everything for you. Started with OSX Tiger & Windows Vista, iirc. But now they enshittified the start menu with web searches and all sorts of things.

Basically the same as when I stand in the supermarket and can't find an item, even when looking at the correct shelf. Or the expiration date on food. Damn, could we make a law that the expiration date must be at least the same font size and be as prominently placed as the title?

So is it ADHD, or am I also an idiot?

So I've suspected I have ADHD for a while now. The symptoms just fit plus both my mom and brother have it so I've got a pretty strong family history.

I finally got in to see a psychiatrist and they agree that I likely have ADHD. They had me take an online test called MOXO. I won't be seeing my psych for about another week and a half and I'm assuming that's when I get my actual results. But it feels like I did way too well on it.

Has anyone here taken that test and how did you feel you did on it when you took it?

Howdy folks! I'm new to ADHD spaces, still in the process of getting a diagnosis, but I've been doing some thinking about how I handle energy for tasks, and I was wondering if it would resonate with anyone else.

My partner and I have cats, which means we have to clean their litter box regularly. I struggle a lot with executive dysfunction, and so does she, so sometimes that's challenging. Recently though, we cat sat for a friend that had a Litter Genie. I have to say, I love this thing. We bought one immediately. It's basically just a little trashcan, but it automatically bags and stores dirty litter to be disposed of later.

For me, this was a game changer. I don't know why, but not having to deal with throwing out the litter at the same time makes it so much easier. Individually, cleaning the litter boxes, and taking out the trash, are easy, one spoon tasks. But only with the Litter Genie. If I have to worry about taking out the trash too, it becomes so much more than just one spoon more expensive. That's what made me think of sporks.

Because throwing away the cat litter after cleaning the litter box is really nothing. It's just the fact that I have to think about it that makes it harder. It's the complexity, not the amount, so it's not more spoons really, it's a different spoon, a spork. I think I'm going to start using this terminology with my partner. When discussing chores, we'll be able to mention spork tasks, for things we might need a little help with, or that we could use some brainstorming on how to tackle.

Do you have any simple things that feel like sporks to you? If so, do you have ways you break them down to make them easier? I'd especially love something for dishes lol

As a byproduct of this, if you have the way to view various time periods as context, you will always have your yearly as well as monthly and weekly and daily objectives staring back at you for you to be aware of and reinforced every time you engage in this already downright edifying habit

Hello everyone,

Firstly I would like to thank everyone for their advice and encouragment during this troubled time it really helped me get out a bit of the hole I'm in and made me feel supported thanks a lot really you're all amazing people.

Now, the update. Yesterday I went to her place to talk about the situation she was sleeping but she let me in and actually fell asleep myself, once we both were awake I asked her right away why she was just shutting down from me and walking away, she didn't want to argue or talk at the moment she wasn't aggressive to be completely honest but she didn't say anything either she was being normal with me in front of her family and all but well myself I'm weary still. I proposed her to go out for dinner this Friday, but I'm not sure if that was a smart idea since I think it could be awkward to have a conversation like that while eating so I was thinking afterwards have something to drink and try to have a civilized conversation about everything.

In anycase I already have all your input in case everything falls apart which must likely that's going to be the outcome of this but at least in my head once I have an answer I'm able to rest since I don't have to think if she wants anything serious with me or not and I can finally have my grievance time in peace.

If it is not much to ask, how would you go thru this conversation without being to soft? Like I think I have to impose myself but I struggle to do so since usually when I feel anger I explode and actually I had to go thru anger management so nowadays I cannot even scream at people when I get frustrated which I think is a good thing but also I don't fight back now in fears to harm people.

Thanks once more everyone.

Hi everyone, I'm currently going thru a breakup with someone that seems to be a narcissist (no diagnosis but their behaviour seems to point that she is) and I think is the first time I dealt with someone like that.

We had a fallout after she had an argument with her family and friends during a party that I attended to at her place, she stormed out of her place completely drunk and left me there in a weird position, her friends where bitter and told me things about her and it matched with things I saw by myself but wasn't sure so I didn't make a big fuss about them and that broke me completely since I'm deeply in love with her.

Her friends and I just stopped talking to her after her rude behavior and actually expected her to apologize to me or give me an explanation but she didn't budge and just kept on partying and not talking at all to me for almost a week and whene she did talk was to tell me that how did I dare to distrust her.

She has been on and off with me and calls me in the middle of the night piss drunk to tell me she loves me and that she misses me and then she'll go cold again, we'll spend a night together and then cold again and that's driving me mad since I already tend to overthink everything or day dream a lot and is literally torture in my brain I cannot take the thoughts out of my head since I'm hyper focusing on that only and is making me feel a lot of pain and solitude.

Have you ever dealt with a situation like this? Are narcissists attracted to ADHD folk? Do you have any ideas or strategies that have worked for your to bring yourself back to a more normal state?

Thanks in advance for your responses

Edit: I wanted to ad as well that she's a transgender woman and I had a crush on her since I was a teenager (she's kinda popular on social media in my country) she actually made me realize that I liked trans girls and somehow we bumped into each other again now that I'm an adult but now I'm having these thoughts that I might not find someone that understands me and she made me feel like an outcast again, I introduced her to my family and made it clear that I fell in love of her goofy moments in privacy and her eyes it was never a sexual thing like really was pure but now I'm totally shattered I've been drinking every weekend in order to catch some sleep and it's scaring me a lot

my new psychiatrist gradually took me off of ritalin+venlafaxin and introduced bupropion, first 150mg while cutting the venlafaxin dosage in half, and now 300mg of bup alone, completely removing venlafaxin

it's been 4 days i think since this last update and it's been fucking rough. i'm not sure if it's just the venlafaxin withdrawal or if the bupropion is contributing to it, but i feel like shit, i'm getting constant brain zaps unless i remain completely still with as little stimulation as possible, been having nightmares every single day, am extremely irritable and im not even sure the bupropion is even helping at all

is anyone else under the same treatment? it feels like a fringe/experimental treatment, but id like to confirm this from other adhders

thanks

edit: thank you so much for all the answers! they helped me to calm down and reassured me a bit. the symptoms are starting to wear off, so that also halped.

I'm

> quitting soda and replacing it with a healthier, slighlty pricier beverage

less addicting and doesn't harm my health, in fact it will save me money long term in dental problems and costs. Its at least >= 1%

Feel free to be a little loose with the quantifying ;)

Just realized this while trying to quit soda for the unpteenth time. There's a certain drink thats way healthier but more expensive by the carton that has basically no sugar and is much better for me. I'm going to stop fretting about buying it because irs replacing something crappier that makes me feel worse and destroys my teeth which I will pay for at some point anyway.

Don't just quit things, give yourself a nourishing, replenishing, life-giving alternative. Its not nice to present or future you to smash your crutches when its already so hard to stand and move about totally raw and unmediated in this life

So my entire life has been extreme boredom, followed by finding a book/videogame/hobby I find interesting, doing nothing but that for awhile, then never touching it again.

I'm debating maybe trying to make a rule of not doing something two days in a row. Like I just found a video game I liked and played it all day yesterday and today, and while I still wanna play I already feel its shininess wearing off.

Curious if anyone else has tried to space out their dopamine buttons and if it helped. So maybe like instead of just playing the same game tomorrow, I'll need to try other games, or maybe try to find a new book series to hyper focus on...

1. This applies mostly to accounts you use to set aside for different expense areas creating an implicit metric you can look at the end of each month to determine how far off the mark things worked out

2. Once you get everything on schedule, build some redundancy to it by having an "overdraft" amount on each account that is added to the necessary monthly balance and always replenish it so it is available in a pinch.

Sorry if this is the wrong place, I just really need to vent somewhere.

I had a followup today to discuss the next steps since neither guanfacine nor atomoxetine worked out. I've been waiting for this because I know stimulants are the first line treatment and I've had nothing but awful experiences with the other meds. He had me take a drug test ahead of time - to make sure I wasn't already taking stimulants, he said. I've been open about everything I'm on and he said it would be fine. That was a lie.

I tested positive for a bit of weed, which I told him about. It's legal in my state. Despite saying it was fine before (I asked, specifically), now he changed his tune and said he's going to keep testing me and if I test positive three times he won't prescribe me any stimulants.

The kicker? I even have a prescription for it, because I worry about exactly things like this. It's for chronic pain, but tbh helps my depression and anxiety too. I don't even use much - about $150 in edibles over the last year. But if I spent that much on alcohol every weekend, that would be no barrier to getting a prescription.

I went in for help and was nothing but honest, and I left feeling attacked over prescription medicine that's been helping me. What the fuck. I'm so frustrated and angry I just want to cry. Why is it so hard to get help?

Not sure how helpful this may be, but for anyone that is looking for a testing resource in the Pittsburgh PA area, I did my evaluation yesterday with The Psychology Loft in Fox Chapel with Dr Williams (https://thepsychologyloft.com). Finding anywhere that takes adults for evaluations is tough, and Pittsburgh has few options I found generally. But I was able to get an appointment very quickly (about a month and a half out from when I contacted them) and everything’s been easy to navigate. Dr. Williams has been great so far and I am nervously awaiting my feedback session next week where I’ll get results and discuss next steps.

Don’t let the difficulties in finding appointments for adults keep you from getting evaluated. Clinics do exist and there are doctors that want to help.

I'm getting tested in a bit over two weeks and today was the pre-exam via video call.

The assistant dude that did the interview asked how fiddly/hyperactive I see myself as, and I was like "eh, a bit but not that far above average" Apparently I had been rotating back and forth in my desk chair for the entirety of the preceding 10 mins, which he did point out :|

Apparently it's also not called "Girl math", but "Impulsive over-spending". SMH my head

On an upside though, he also owns reptiles and was happy to indulge an unreasonable amount of questions about his chameleon!!

I have used Modafinil before occasionally, and it helped quite a bit, but the strong side effects forced me to save it for emergencies.

6 days ago first Elvanse. Within about 30 minutes of the first dose, many problems were gone completely! No mental effort to do what's needed, be it laundry or a subtask at work. It feels like my brain is a little butler whom I can just order around without doing it myself. Many things just happen, e. g. I put garbage in the bin, carry dishes back to the kitchen as I go anyway, without thinking about it. Complete instant fix. Also a constant feeling like a hundred bucks, better than many recreational drugs.

Almost feeling bad when gaming at the end of the day, keeping it brief, doing extra work hours right before bed. The effect has somewhat worn off by then, but the no-effort-to-do-things is still there.

I always did feel better when checking things off my todo-list, even untreated, but now I get a lot more done, since there is no pain to just do it.

I can also work out until the body just physically gives in; there is no mental barrier to fight like "ONE MORE REP!!!". It might have been a mistake to exploit that in the first few days, leading to exhaustion and more difficulty to judge the right dose / side effects. When I saw someone who was very buff, I used to think: He may not look like it, but he has fantastic discipline, focus and willpower. Now I wonder if some of these people are just normal, lol

This is a completely different life, and slightly better than Modafinil! I am a little worried about when the effect wears off and I need a break, but I've been there before: A lot can get done with just about 50 "super-days" per year.

What did not improve one bit is my forgetfulness and other cognitive problems. Just as stupid as before, e. g. packing a suitcase, putting things next to it to stash something else and then forgetting them. Leaving my phone in insane places. Barely able to use the self-checkout at a supermarket. It's always an adventure, looking confused between the card screen and the items screen, often needing an employee, forgetting my card there and not realising before the next day etc. Problems with web UIs & pop-ups. That's what my GP wanted checked out 1 1/2 years ago, but no appointments.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/21148286

----

I was kicked off Medicaid at the start of this year and subsequently lost access to my ADHD and depression medication. In February, I moved to a new area and got a new job, but had to wait several months until I qualified for health insurance through it.

After that point, I had to wait for a weekday when I wasn't working and when I had the mental capacity to tolerate back-to-back disappointing phone calls... all without medication that would make the process significantly easier to tolerate. These are only the calls I've made today.

Finally, FINALLY, I have an intake appointment scheduled.

It's absolutely shameful how much a struggling person is expected to do in order to access basic mental health care.

I was diagnosed with ADHD in adolescence. Since then it has always taken an enormous amount of pressure and energy for me to perform tasks that require focused attention. However, recently I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and started CPAP treatment. To my surprise, my ADHD symptoms greatly improved. I wish I had gotten a sleep study decades ago.

I’m sure the causes of ADHD are varied and complex so this won’t work for everyone, but just in case, you might want to get a sleep study.

Edit: I originally wrote that I “developed ADHD in adolescence”. I changed it because I had not intended to comment on whether ADHD is innate or acquired. I also changed “my ADHD went away” to “my ADHD symptoms greatly improved” for the same reason.

Note: Maybe it will be helpful if I give some context about what “ADHD” means to me. I’ve always thought of it as my brain working differently than most people. The most obvious characteristic has been that things most people consider “easy” like doing the dishes were entirely impossible for me to do in a timely fashion. I also struggled in school because I couldn’t get my homework done and I couldn’t study.

People, including my parents and teachers would all say things like “you’re not trying hard enough” or “you’re not applying yourself”. I tried, and failed, to explain that there was no amount of effort I could summon that could switch my brain into this steady productivity mode that other people could seemingly just turn on at will.

When I was a little kid, no one outside of maybe some academics had ever heard of ADHD, so my struggles were misunderstood and “my fault”. In my case, the hyperactivity symptoms were less prevalent, but I sometimes did annoying, obnoxious things.

I first heard of ADHD (just called ADD at the time) when I was a teenager. But there was still a big stigma around it and most people didn’t think it was a real condition, so I didn’t get treatment.

When I was a young adult, I finally got treated and prescribed stimulant medication. The medication made it possible for me to switch my brain into that steady productive mode, but it also had a lot of side effects.

Now, in middle age, my doctor suggested I have a sleep study due to some other symptoms I was having. So I did and they diagnosed me with sleep apnea with hypoxemia and prescribed CPAP treatment. After starting treatment I began to notice that I was able to switch my brain into that steady productive state even without medication. I began to wonder if sleep apnea (or perhaps more precisely nocturnal hypoxemia) had been the underlying cause of my symptoms all along.

Today, I saw an ADHD meme from another community and that prompted me to look up this community and share in case someone else could benefit from similar treatment. It had never occurred to me that there could be a connection between sleep apnea and ADHD symptoms until I tried the CPAP.

Like I said, I don’t suspect this will help everyone, but if there’s one person like me out there who it does help, I think it’s worth sharing.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/20910910

> https://www.instagram.com/sarahandersencomics/?hl=en

I am curious what other folks have to say on this matter. This is quite specific to me, but perhaps pieces will be recognizable.

For me, growing up with undiagnosed ADHD which was really very apparent in every aspect of life looking back, many habits were built up without realizing. I also had a complex childhood dynamic, which I think is likely quite common in those with ADHD given both your own difficulties and the genetic component which means there is a pretty good chance that one of your parents has ADHD and faced similar struggles. In adulthood, it has been tricky to uncover these.

One of the maladaptive strategies I and many others developed in childhood was to lean into the anxiety as a source of stimulation and motivation. Not intentionally, but early on you are rewarded for these behaviours. Maybe...

• You didn't complete the homework but in a panic you get it done during your first class of the day.
• You stayed up all night doing a project that you forgot or postponed.
• You restrained yourself to the point of pain in family gatherings or other important social events.
• You did all of your chores in one angry burst because you were sick of reminders, aggression, or maybe passive aggression.
• After many experiences of getting things in late, losing track of time, or otherwise, you obsessively pay attention to the clock and deadlines.
• Faking illness, to the point of maybe even feeling that illness, to build back capacity after doing all of the previous.
• Many more...

The thing is, staying up late, avoiding stimming or talking, being preoccupied with time, panic working beyond your capacity - this is what likely got praised. Not the way you did it, but the end result. The only breaks were being physically exhausted to the point of people recognizing it as sickness.

In adulthood, I found myself feeling incredibly anxious about any kind of work. Any kind of commitment, really. Getting sick during periods where I can rest. Even with life circumstances being great and surrounded by great people, this feeling persists.

I found that two strategies were built up which evoked exactly the same physiological feelings.

1. Losing track of time and being fully engaged is a super power. I don't want to say ADHD is a superpower; it's a painful disorder, and I do not mean hyper focus here - I simply mean that when I'm not concerned with clock time, it feels free and productive. It isn't appreciated, though, when other people are around or depends on it. The maladaptive strategy? Find timelessness only when alone, avoid commitments which rely on time awareness, and becomes obsessed with due dates and deadlines and not allow myself to enter that timeless state where I really do my best work in fear of losing track.

2. A need for that panic to work. I'm not just talking about leaving things to the last minute as a motivator, but looking at a TODO list and generating a feeling of dread because that's the place you live when doing work. It's like clocking into work and putting on your anxiety hat.

I hadn't quite connected that this was a form of masking when alone, and it was fascinating to imagine taling off that mask and seeing what was left. Realizing that the situation wasn't evoking dread, I was, to make it familiar enough to get things done.

But with the right understanding, I've begun to see the truth in it. It isn't worth making yourself unhealthy and angry and sad to do more than you are capable of. It's also not worth doing that for things you ARE capable of.

Where is the solution?

It's probably different for everyone, and you might need a lot of assistance. I'm early, but I'm noticing lots of positive change. Basically, I'm allowing myself some risk by trying to not engage in those tasks when feeling that feeling. Stop nourishing that behaviour. Take the time to get into a better place, and then engage in the work and things that are tough during that. It's not easy, because it's very different from many years of experience, but it's a different kind of difficulty than the anxious feelings being used as fuel. When anxious, focusing on what's within and outside of my control, and not avoiding the anxiety. When feeling good, going and doing the things currently associated with anxiety, to re-associate it.

Basically, be the guardian you think you needed. Someone to reward your approach and not your results. Someone to say that being healthy is more important than the A. Someone who says it's okay to take a break or get lost in what excites you.

I hope this helps a little bit at least, and I'm interested to hear if others have experience with anything like this and how it's going! This could be linked to many things, but I'm just assuming it's a common history with those who have executive function, emotional regulation, and time perception problems.

As suggested myself and encouraged by the doc, I'll take a fraction of a normal dose to check it out first. He signed off on any dose that is lower than the one he prescribed (30 mg in the morning), and the capsules are intended for opening and dissolving in liquid.

So, I'm very sensitive. Low dose opioids for a cough give me euphoria, and when I tried Modafinil, 1/4 of a pill (2 pills is normal!) turned out to be just right for me.

On one hand, I could really use the full productivity boost tomorrow, which would mean trying 1/4 of 30 mg, 7.5 mg. On the other hand, safer would be 1/8th again as it was with Modafinil. Then again, 1/4 of the Modafinil dose was "bearable", it was not intense suffering.

Trying 1/8th in the morning and another 1/8th at noon if the effect is really as low as a cup of coffee could also be an option, with the risk of losing sleep. I tend towards that option.

Some of the worst hours of my life were on the minimum dose Venlafaxine (and many report that), so I'm careful.

What do you think? Doing the super-low 1/10th test at 4 pm would still take away my sleep, right?

Last week i was chatting away to my counsellor, and we came up with a novel idea, body doubling works for most of us to get stuff done, makes it easier to get up and start when others are doing a thing.

For me it also works the other way, if everyone else is sitting down, watching TV and winding down, i find it really hard to get up and do the things i'd rather do, like near impossible.

Anyone else notice anything similar?

So I went to my doctor and was like "yeah my counselor said I should ask about the process to get tested for ADHD because of XYZ"...

He then had to gently explain that a year ago he had referred me to a local pysch for testing because I already took the ADHD assessment.

Anyway, long story short, after doing testing (which I showed up for on the wrong day the first time) I got an official ADHD diagnosis.

After waiting for many years, I thought I've been at least on track to get treatment for the past 6 months. All out of pocket, in addition to the nearly EUR 1000 health insurance premium per month.

Lengthy psychologist sessions, official diagnosis by a licensed therapist in writing. Doctor appointment with the written diagnosis, but he said only a licensed psychiatrist can do the initial prescription. Find one, make appointment.

But then he needed up to date blood count and ECG first, appointment cancelled 2 hours before it started. The blood count was at a different doctor than my usual one, because last time, mine was on vacation. So ECG and blood count from two different locations. All during hours I actually had to be at work. But what can I do - botch one last job before I get treatment and everything will be great for the future, right?

Sent it all in upfront, and another problem: Apparently, the ECG must be evaluated for findings. Which any doctor is trained to do, but it needs to be returned to the doctor who did it, like this magic quest, because in theory, I could send an ECG that is not mine to a different doctor for the findings. (Cui bono?)

The last 4 steps, I've been told that this is "this one really really really last thing", and it sounds like one of these advance fee scams that are like "just one more Apple gift card for the taxes, and we can transfer your lottery winnings".

I bet all of these things would be easy for somebody who does NOT have ADHD. They just do them one by one, and somehow that happens at a magic hour where the doctor office is open but also their workplace is not.

The lack of understanding how ADHD works, by the very people who are supposed to diagnose and treat it, reminds me of this scene from Groundhog Day: He explains the problem of being in a 24 hour time loop to a seemingly understanding therapist, who then is like: "I understand completely, come back in 3 days for a solution!" Ah, here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFdwLNiZq7M

Under-stimulated -> depressed -> exhausted -> can't move -> under-stimulated

Under-stimulated -> anxious -> isolate yourself -> under-stimulated

I must've been a real badass in a past life to piss off so badly whichever God created me.

I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult although I've demonstrated clear symptoms since early childhood. I manage pretty well with medication.

I tend to "fidget" a lot throughout the day with involuntary movements that tend to vary periodically for reasons that I've never understand. Sometimes it's popping my ears or clenching my jaw. Sometimes it's "popping" my toes, bouncing my leg, or snapping my fingers, etc.

Recently, my wife told me something that I did not know. Apparently I do the same sort of involuntary movements at night to the point that it wakes me up. She said it's been going on for years. I honestly had no idea. It kind of fits the description of "Periodic Limb Movement Disorder." There are some theories that "PLMD" can be a comorbidity with ADHD although the research on this is pretty sparse.

Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing and are there any viable treatment options?

I am not affiliated with them in any way, and I do not benefit if any of y’all choose to try it (except for making the world an ever so slightly better place, I hope)

Does anyone else feel the need to help others? I feel almost compelled to help or chip in with any 2 cents that may help someone with something they asked even if I dont know anything about what they are talking about.

Edit: spelling and rephrase.

I have tried: • air drying (takes too long, extends wet hair misery) • having short hair (can't have short hair at one of my jobs) • dryer bonnet (somewhat better cuz at least I can sorta multitask) • sitting in front of box fan (takes too long) • paying hairdresser to do it (expensive)

Figured I'd see if you guys know any tips and tricks...

Just discovered this.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/20136093

> Goblin friend

Regardless of whether you're medicated/unmedicated, or altered/not altered or any combination of those?

For me, its my hat I like to wear to keep my hair out of my way and contained somewhat lol

Also my pajama shirt(s), no idea why but its been better recently since I moved the "clothes chair" from being the laundry basket in the bathroom (just hanging there) to a dedicated shelf in the closet 😅

Hey there. I am incredibly sad, downright depressed and mentally exhausted.

I wanted to celebrate my birthday yesterday for the first time (maybe ever?) with lots of nice people. I invited about 30-50 people. Some, I invited personally, some just casually through groups. Lots of those people I thought of as somehow close and friendly.

I exhausted myself in the effort of preparing the party, I rented a room, I prepared photos, activities, food, music, and just put a lot of mental energy into the planning. I have been planning it for about 2 months, invited those who were most important to me back then even.

5 people showed up.

I am devastated. I was always so anxious about my birthday and never celebrated it. I think I removed myself from groups a lot in my life. And only the last two years, I've started to understand my diagnosis and how to communicate with people. This throws all my anxiety and pain back into my body and brain.

I don't know how to deal with it. Especially I don't know how to interact with the people that were important to me and who didn't show (or those who didn't even cancel). My past behaviour was burning down all the bridges. I don't think I should do that. But I also don't know how to pretend like it doesn't hurt....

Any advice about rejection anxiety and ... well, real rejection?

Thank you.

That ended with me finally explaining to him how the way he and my mother treated me as a child, with undiagnosed (and really not even conceptually understood at the time) ADHD caused me lasting trauma that persists to this day. I’m a 45 year old man, and I cried.

An awful day. One of the worst. And all from my own actions and unrealistic expectations. I guess I just needed to type this out.

I blew up so hard earlier. I hate myself. Spent time in the mirror looking myself straight in the eyes listing all the things I truly hate about myself. I didn’t recognize the person I was looking at. I’m so exhausted of this cycle. How many times have I been in this same exact place? I feel so trapped with myself. I’m losing hope that medication will help. This is how I’ve always been and I don’t see how I can get better. I can have spurts of feeling better. But I’m so far from where I should be and seem to be getting worse. The only thing I've been consistent at in my life is fucking things up.

I really wish I could die. I don’t think I can kill myself. Not with my wife. Not with the dogs. Someday if there is a situation where those are not in my life, then maybe. Hopefully? I think back to when we put each of our dogs down and wish someone could do that for me. Inject me with something that will make me feel a calm that I have never experienced. Let me lay there on my living room floor for 5 minutes experiencing it as I fall asleep. Then stop my heart. That is fucking peace.

I need to work on expectations. I don’t know where they come from, why they change so much, or how to tell when they are unrealistic.

I’m so mad at myself for bailing on motorcycle class today. What the fuck was that about. Fucking coward. It wasn’t that I was scared. I was getting mad and frustrated that I was bad. Everyone else was riding in a straight line and it looked like I never rid a bicycle before. I felt myself getting so worked up and wanted nothing but to leave. I almost started crying on the motorcycle when the instructor was trying to help me. Then as I’m walking to the car after I turned my helmet in, I don’t think I’ve felt that level of shame or regret before. What a failure. Why do I just quit everything now?

But I started the day poorly. Woke up with plenty of time, but spent 20 min on my fucking phone. Then scrambling for safety glasses I didn’t prep. Scrambling to pack food. My wife had to get a water bottle for me and I still forgot it. Going around the house at 7am screaming because I’m not prepared for something I set 6 weeks ago. Then I get there and am just in the wrong state of mind, like fucking usual. A lot of times I can snap out of it but I didn’t.

Then get home and fucking snap. Screaming in my room. Bawling. Throwing things. Fucking kill me. Scaring my wife. Scaring the dogs.

I feel so toxic. So much hatred for things. For myself. The hate doesn’t linger but I let it consume me when it’s there. It comes in such strong waves. I think I’m constantly just failing to meet these made up and unrealistic expectations for myself. Then I just lash out at whatever I can.

Now I’m not at the family gathering scheduled 6 months ago. Another thing to add to the list that I hate myself for today. When my wife left she said something like she would stay home with me if I wanted. I felt so bad for not going with her. I told her no she needs to go. She’s the one that planned the damn thing. She told me she loves me and I said I don’t know why. What an asshole.

I feel so immature. So weak. So small. I feel so wrong. Incorrect. I don’t fit in. I make chaos for myself and bounce between one man made disaster to another. I’ve burned so many bridges this year. Lost my friends. Lost my job. I hate myself.

Now I don’t know what to do. have a headache from crying all morning. I’m starving. Absolutely starving. I don’t feel like eating. How do I just roll on to other things after a day like this. Another day like this.

Edit** 9/16 - Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. I don't have energy to reply to specific comments. I'm working on moving forward and trying to forgive myself and deal with the embarrassment I'm hanging onto.

I've been seeing an NP this whole year. I'm on my second one after the first was not so great. But the stimulants I'm on do seem better than before. Therapy is a big missing piece. Its was brought up in these comments and my NP is constantly telling me talk therapy is a major part of treatment. I was avoiding and dragging feet for a while. Last month I started reaching out to offices and got the waves of rejections and nobody accepting new patients. I got into one office and had two sessions, with the most recent being last week, but it wasn't going well and he said he was going to refer me to someone else. But that was a week ago and I haven't heard anything so I guess I need to start from scratch finding a new therapist. I've seen in so many posts and peoples stories that therapy is this amazing thing. I've had many attempts at therapy throughout my life and seem to just get mediocre therapists at best that just make me feel like I'm wrong or like they just don't understand what I'm saying or going through. I'm not giving up on it though.

Edit: A great point made in the comments I want to highlight; while it's perfectly normal to grieve, it's also perfectly normal to not grieve. If my points relate to you, look into it a bit more and consider it, but if not - and you don't connect with it - don't be forcing yourself into a headspace, we're all different!

I think this is a very important and not very discussed topic. Dr. Barkley put out a video about this on YouTube a little while back, and I'd already started considering this well before and I was excited to see it backed by his experiences. I think it's quite important because it can help to make sense of different reactions and feelings and try to gain some clarity.

In short, upon getting diagnosed for ADHD, you very well might (I can't say likelihood) experience some "stages" of grief (order not a given) - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. These phases can come and go, and come back again, and Dr. Barkley has a going recommendation to practitioners to discuss this as part of their diagnosis, but they often do not.

I'll just give my own experience here and I highly recommend checking in with yourself / your supports to consider if you might be in this place and needing clarity, and I hope it's helpful.

• Diagnosis: I was original diagnosed with ADHD as a differential diagnosis, but received no treatment. Things continued getting worse, and eventually a new psychiatrist said it was clearly ADHD and started medication.

• Fake Acceptance 1: I was willing to say I had ADHD, and discuss my symptoms and share experiences. It was all surface level.

• Denial 1: The diagnosis was short; I'd had the differential, but I was surprised how quickly he prescribed me medication. I took the medication, and things were much better (early meds euphoria) but even still, I thought I was probably placeboing. I straight up thought my psychiatrist had prescribed a placebo to placate me just complaining about everyday things.

• Anger 1: No, these meds are helping - and they could have helped me for so long. Tens of thousands of dollars in tuition fees from missed deadlines, rent overpayments, not making reimbursement deadlines, late penalties - decades of deep depression, burnout - when it was so obvious. Why wasn't I checked out? Why did my first psychiatrist give up on me? Why didn't my parents ever notice the many signs?

• Denial 2, Bargaining 1: Maybe eventually I can just develop the systems I need to get by, I won't need meds, or maybe I will, but I'll be able to be at 100% without ever exhausting myself or anything. Maybe this is just temporary, and I'll develop the things I need to get through it. Maybe there just wasn't childhood signs.

• Depression 1: But there were. There were signs, the meds help a lot but they don't solve everything. It sucks. It's unfair, I'm tired, I need a break.

• Acceptance 1: After a bit, I started to really feel like I had a disorder, and it was here to stay. Not only that, but the way that I think is fundamentally different from the way most people think, and I will not relate to most people on a deep level because it's been so core to me. I appreciated those I could connect to deeply, and recognized that things are just going to be harder. Society doesn't need to change - I mean, it could - but it's my responsibility, my burden, but that's okay.

• Denial 3, Bargaining 2: ... but, if I just set up my calendar, and set up alarms, and commit to things, we're good! No issues, I'm sure.