sprigatito_bread @ sprigatito_bread @lemmy.world

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59

Joined

11 mo. ago

I just struggle to comprehend what those issues actually could be in concrete terms. I sort of exaggerated my speech on purpose just for fun, so that's probably where a lot of the "crazy" impression comes from. And I've never actually been in a relationship, so there's nothing to go off of there. Am I ACTUALLY overly attached and clingy? Or am I just bad at writing and my post just made a bad impression? We don't know.

Like sure, I probably come across as weird and could do more to think about the actual nitty-gritty of a relationship rather than embellishing raw feelings, but other than that, I don't know what the actual problem is other than "This guy sounds weird."

Maybe because of the way I came across, people perceive everything I say to have a double-meaning, where caring for someone means wanting to control them and wanting to show kindness means wanting to lure people in. Maybe a lot of what I said isn't bad in principle, but because I said them weirdly, I look like some kind of serial killer psychopath or creepy incel freak. I'm just too uncanny valley to be a "normal" person, so EVERYTHING I said loses its innocence and gets tainted with "What does he REALLY mean by that?"

Because if I were to tell someone what my feelings were, I'd say that I want to be a romantic partner for someone, to care and be cared for, to work together and make decisions as a team, and to continually improve myself so that I can best fulfill my duty as a partner. Sure, I may feel strongly about those feelings from time to time, but that's ultimately what they are. Is that bad? Is that something I should go to therapy for? Or have I simply expressed these feelings in a way so unconventional and distorted that it comes across as creepy?

Either way, this has been a fascinating and unexpected exploration of "What happens when I miscommunicate or misrepresent myself in a horribly disastrous fashion?"

I write a lot because I have a lot of ideas that I want to express. I try to do some trimming, but I don't like to dilute my ideas too much. But I could definitely be more mindful about how much the audience cares to read and throw more of this in my own private journal.

I exaggerated what I said on purpose because I thought it'd fun to try expressing myself differently and not being so restrained, but clearly that style is reminiscent of the overly-attached girlfriend meme lmao. So, I'm gonna definitely keep that feedback in mind.

I experience strong emotions in general, and that's something that I need to learn how to manage—when to be more emotionally restrained versus when to be more expressive. Clearly here I just splattered raw emotions all over the page, which ends up being fantastical and disconnected from reality compared to what a relationship actually looks like.

I have a duty to my future partner to manage my emotions in a way that upholds a stable relationship, or leave if it's not going to work out, which means that it is most certainly against my self-interest to actually come across how I did here.

So then why did I make this post in the first place? Idk, it was kinda fun to write, even if it's suuuper exaggerated. Just kind of my own form of artistic expression to look back on and say "Wow, I was so weird and whimsical in my early 20s. How cute."

That's fair. I sort of shoved all of the intense feelings into this post and downplayed the boring stuff because my brain leans on the idealistic side.

Here I describe all of the raw feelings I feel all at once, which gives the impression of something overly intense and disconnected from tempered, pragmatic reality.

But you need all of the boring pragmatic stuff, because that's how you make anything actually work. Ideals are something that have to be built towards with the building blocks of realism, otherwise you can't actually build anything.

Thanks for your feedback. It helps me get a better grasp on things, even if not every comment is positive lol.

So I'm guessing that all of the sentimentality at once comes across as super clingy?

That might be an aforementioned blind spot that I have to look out for. Consciously, I think controlling behavior like that is super gross, and the idea of being attached to someone who doesn't reciprocate or isn't comfortable with that level of affection feels super counterproductive; why invest in painful, unreciprocated relationships when I can just find someone else? If I have attachment issues, why not go to therapy and work through them, then try again with someone else?

I guess this post gives the impression that I would get WAY too into someone too quickly, and then find myself unwilling to leave because of a scarcity mindset. I was hoping that the metaphor of slowly nurturing a seedling until it grows until a flower would give the impression that I would develop the relationship in a careful, thoughtful manner, but eh, it is what it is.

But, assuming that's your point, I appreciate you bringing it to my attention, because even if I'm not the crazy psycho overly-attached girlfriend/boyfriend meme, I think individual agency is something that I could be thinking about more, not just for relationships, but also for friendships.

Ultimately, I'm just trying to be a good person. And maybe dumping a bunch of feelings on the Internet at once makes me look crazy. Heck, maybe I AM a little crazy. But as long as I accept that I'm imperfect and that my understanding will never be complete, I can continually improve by observing what effects my behavior has on others and adjust accordingly.

So yeah, NOT dumping all of my feelings on someone at once is a good idea lol.

Genuinely curious how this is a "yikes"?

Is it because I sound like some overly idealistic person who will have his dreams crushed?

Or because I sound so ridiculously overly sentimental compared to the jaded cynicism that pervades the entire Internet?

Or do I sound like I'd get psychotically attached to someone because most people show more restraint when they talk about romantic feelings?

I don't know how to interpret this comment otherwise.

I could definitely see them screwing it up and censoring too much. Like for example, if criticizing corporations or corporate greed was censored, I think there could be right-wing backlash too. Complaining about getting ripped off or screwed over is just a part of life, regardless of whether or not people ask deeper questions about the system.

My entire immediate family is far-right, which, aside from being terrifying, allows me to get an idea of how some of these people think. It turns out, they DO have some anti-corporate sentiment, but only for those who fall outside of the perceived right-wing populist umbrella. Apparently, only those billionaires are the evil greedy ones and theirs are the good ones. Nonetheless, that could be a potential hazard for corporations who find themselves on the wrong side of popular support, where they are no longer protected by an anti-establishment perception.

Hey, I’ve seen you around before.

Perhaps it’s a bit nosy of me, and of course I don’t fully know what you’re going through, but I know there’s a real person on the other side suffering, and that’s the only thing that matters to me.

So I wanted to say that I’m thinking about you and I care about you. You have intrinsic worth no matter what anyone says. Even if you can’t find anyone to talk to in real life. Even if you get a bazillion downvotes and hateful comments on the Internet. It doesn’t change that fact one bit.

I remember years ago when I was in a really painful headspace, I would project my internal cynicism and attract negative attention on purpose in order to make other people affirm my self-hatred and belief that I deserved to suffer.

But I was hyperfocused on the negativity. I ignored the caring people who were concerned about me because it didn’t support my internal narrative that everyone hated me and therefore I should hate myself too. I found comfort in hopelessness because it meant that I didn’t have to be vulnerable anymore. I told myself that a bad outcome was guaranteed and therefore it’s never worth opening up or reaching out.

Most people who feel for you won’t speak up. That’s one of the reasons I believed nobody cared about me: I couldn’t see the evidence. People have to step up and be part of the evidence, so I might as well be one of them. Real life evidence is worth a lot more than Internet comments, but if my words have even a chance of helping you in some way, then writing this all out was completely worth it.

The single most healing moment in my life is when someone in real life offered to be that person for me, and she told me all of the things that she genuinely liked about me. I was an emotional wreck; I avoided talking to anyone, was woefully insecure, and felt like nobody could ever like me. She knew all of these things and chose to talk to me anyway. Her compliments canceled out all of the insults and rejections I had ever received and made me confident in myself for the first time. I have hope you can meet someone like that too. Mine showed up when I least expected it!

So maybe it’s none of my business, and maybe many of the things I said don’t apply to your situation, but I want to make it absolutely clear that, whoever you are, I care about you, and many other people do too. You deserve love, healing, and support. And I truly wish the best for you.

Hugs~

Codswallop, dingus… these are abstract terms. You cannot argue with them. They cannot hate you.

Disagreements on the Internet happen when you argue with people (not abstractions).

(Sorry, I couldn't resist)

Recently I've been getting into making digital art and reading books. Though I haven't done much of either yet. These are new hobbies that I just discovered my enjoyment of and I'm just getting into them for the first time.

The closest I had to this actually was my old workplace, but power dynamics, workplace stress, and a lack of shared purpose were my biggest problems.

Having your behavior controlled by management, friendly coworkers who suddenly become cold-hearted backstabbers if they find out they can gain financially from it, etc

Stressful days where we were overworked also brought out the worst in everyone, including me at the time, which was also not fun...

Depending on the job, there could also just be a lot of people who don't want to be there other than for the money, and in those cases, there isn't really a uniting greater purpose that everyone believes in.

I think it might work for some people, but the conditions have to be right. For me personally, the corrosive and anti-social influence of money makes me wary of really trusting or connecting with people on a genuine level in work environments.

Well then, I guess if I were to rephrase the question, I'd ask:

Where are some places or contexts where you can find a group of 5-30 people who meet regularly, generally feel connected to one another, and won't spend the whole time staring at their phones?

Nah, they just haven't realized that they actually CAN if they're willing to band together and fight anyone who tries to stop them

I just didn't have to deal with homophobes before middle school lol

Nobody can stop your cuddle party if you've got the bigger army >:3

Rural Ohio... I don't recommend it

The last day I hugged my best friend in elementary school, because it was the final time two male friends could openly love one another without being questioned or ostracized... sigh.

EDIT: The last time in the region I grew up in, which seems to be more on the conservative hellhole side of things