Remember_the_tooth @ Remember_the_tooth @lemmy.world Posts 101Comments 1,488Joined 3 mo. ago
It's got to be a lab leak. It can't possibly be that he nerfed the CDC before one of the most notable outbreaks in recent history. It's not like we had previous coronavirus outbreaks in that region going all the way back to the 1990s that were handled appropriately by previous administrations. That would be incompetent, and he's not incompetent. So, it must be a lab leak.
Tax rule
I love this interpretation.
Have you considered writing dystopian fiction? I feel like you would be exceptionally good at that.
This is real
There seem to be some oversights among the guardrails of democracy here.
"We're asking you nicely to stop this."
"No."
"Don't make us ask again. You've been warned."
"Still no."
"Alright, buster. You asked for it. We're going to ask even more nicely!"
Let's not get supercilious here.
No, but that which can't be understood might still be killed. Ranging the target absolutely helps with that.
I feel dirty for having read this. It seems less hyperbole with each passing day.
Can we start taking bets on who's going to be the first person to eat a Bald Eagle publicly with impunity? My money's on RFK, but I'm open to suggestions.
Man, I hate it when that happens.
You have given me quite the rabbit hole to go down.i may never be the same.
I think you win this time. I spent a week trying to think of a clever comeback, but it's just not happening.
I do love me some Monty Python. I can never pick a favorite sketch. It keeps changing. The Parot sketch is definitely top ten.
Thanks frigidaphelion!
Is there a better way to link a user?
If we cannibal ourselves into a stew, are we just drinking bath water?
I appreciate your benefit of the doubt. As it is, this is AI generated. I did have to edit it a lot. Admittedly, my writing gets a little better as I replace more and more of the AI results I request. Still, I figure it's best to live a slightly honest life and label these things for what they are.
The Final Scribble: The Life and Death of Petey the Pencil
[Scene opens on a stark, fluorescent-lit examination hall. Rows of anxious students bend over their desks, scribbling with quiet intensity. The sound of pencil lead scratching against paper fills the air.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): In the unforgiving environment of the university testing chamber, a silent struggle unfolds. Here, tools of intellect are pushed to their limits—not just the minds of students, but their humble, graphite-bearing companions.
[Camera pans to a close-up of a yellow No. 2 pencil. His paint is chipped, his eraser nearly gone. We meet our subject.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): This is Petey. Graphitus scribblum, affectionately named “Petey” by his human, an undergraduate in Anthropology 201.
[Cut to Petey being lifted shakily by a caffeine-twitching hand.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): For many semesters, Petey has lived a noble life: lecture notes, marginal doodles, perhaps the occasional crossword. But today… today he faces his final trial.
[The student begins writing furiously. Petey dances across the page in a flurry of facts, formulas, and half-remembered concepts about Neanderthal toolkits.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): Watch as he glides with precision—his graphite core converting thought into text at astonishing speeds. But each word comes at a cost.
[The camera slowly zooms in: Petey is visibly shorter now. The student presses harder as stress mounts.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): Each line drains him. Once a full-grown pencil, proud and unsharpened, Petey is now a shadow of his former self—barely three inches in length. And yet, he persists.
[Petey is lifted again. This time, his wood groans faintly. He scribbles half of a sentence. Then… a snap.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): Ah. Tragedy. A critical fracture at the midpoint. His brittle frame can bear no more. The graphite, worn thin, gives way under pressure.
[The student stares at the broken pencil in disbelief. A panicked shuffle for a backup ensues.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): And just like that, Petey’s journey comes to an end. Not with fanfare, nor a ceremonious farewell—but with a quiet crack, unheard by all but one.
[Cut to Petey resting beside a used coffee cup and a heavily dog-eared exam booklet. His tip dulled, his spirit spent.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): Yet, in his final moments, he gave all he had in service of knowledge. Few tools live with such dignity. Fewer still die in the act of creation.
Okay, yeah. That tracks. I once saw a video in which an orca tortured a sea lion and then launched it 80ft into the air just for fun. Members of Delphinidae are usually absolute dicks.
Edit: Found the video. Don't watch it, though.
True, until we become the tasted.
The Wild Bite: Chronicles of a Cookie Hunter
[Scene opens on a lush, crumb-laden suburban living room. A dramatic orchestral swell rises as the camera pans to reveal a large, blue, furry creature crouching behind a toy chest.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): In the heart of the domestic wilderness, on the edge of a temperate biotic zone known colloquially as “the living room,” we encounter a most peculiar apex predator: Monstrum biscotti, commonly known as the Cookie Monster.
[Camera zooms in on Cookie Monster, his googly eyes twitching erratically in every direction.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): Evolved for maximal mastication, this creature’s diet consists almost exclusively of a singular, elusive prey: Biscotus chipicus, or the common chocolate chip cookie.
[Cut to a plate on the kitchen counter. A dozen warm cookies glisten in the light.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): Each specimen, a delicately baked blend of sugars, fats, and theobromine-rich morsels, serves as both sustenance and obsession for our shaggy subject.
[Cookie Monster slowly emerges, dragging himself across the carpet with exaggerated stealth.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): Observe the hunter’s approach—lumbering, agile, and inevitable. His strategy relies not on speed, but on surprise.
[Cut to the cookies. One, resting on the edge of the plate, wobbles ever so slightly.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): The Biscotus chipicus is defenseless—its only evolutionary recourse being brittleness. It cannot run. It cannot hide. It can only crumble.
[Cookie Monster rises, eyes fixated. A low growl builds in his throat.]
COOKIE MONSTER: COOOOOKIEEEE!!!
[He lunges. A flurry of crumbs explodes into the air. Cookie Monster devours with primal ecstasy, bits of cookie raining from his maw like edible shrapnel.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): With alarming efficiency, the predator consumes his quarry.
[Cookie Monster slumps to the floor, sated. A single chocolate chip rests on his chest.]
DAVID ATTENBOROUGH (V.O.): And so concludes another cycle in this majestic, crumb-filled ecosystem. The hunter rests… until the next scent of freshly baked prey stirs his wild, monstrous soul once more.
I thought walruses were arctic and penguins antarctic. I wasn't able to get much with a search engine. Would you mind sharing a link?