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Am I old now?
  • Gen Z here.
    Do people really not have wallets now? There's so much I can't carry without a wallet, most importantly my ID. Am I expected to just put that loose in my pockets or bag?
    And like, sometimes I'm forced to carry cash for one reason or another. I need a space place to put that.
    I'm guessing it's just because the majority of my generation isn't old enough to be regularly encountering these issues. I'm 100% certain it'll change as they age the way I was forced to.

  • Dreaming of a more egalitarian world
  • I wasn't intending to say we only like muscles as an indicator of lifestyle. I was saying they're also an indicator of lifestyle, so even if we are attracted to them we may still pass because it doesn't match the kind of personality we prefer, and personality is generally a lot more important to us than appearance (generally, but not always.)
    For instance, I find muscles attractive. I like that they show somebody's interested in staying healthy, but I don't generally date muscular men simply because I'm not into the fit lifestyle. I much prefer a guy who's more likely to join me playing my favorite games or watching my favorite movies, because I'm a nerd and those are the things I like, and a guy who's a little chubbier tends to be exactly that kind of guy.

  • Dreaming of a more egalitarian world
  • I can't speak for every woman, but I can speak for my own experiences and report based on the things women I know have said. For me and those I've spoken to, we may like muscles, but the things you need to do to get those muscles often aren't as attractive and cancel it out. Like, if you're getting muscles by going to the gym every day, that's only gonna attract women who are enthusiastic about the gym. If you get them from farm work, you'll attract women enthusiastic about farm life.
    That's why a lot of us like dad bods so much. It's not that it's inherently more attractive, it's that it's a body type achievable by living the kind of life style people who're into that enjoy.
    In other words, yes, muscles can be attractive, but not nearly as attractive as shared hobbies and interests, and it just happens quite often muscles can be a quick indicator that you probably don't share many.

  • Do you avoid discussing some topics online even if you have something you'd like to say about them?
  • Yeah, and the worst is when people are talking about something I know a lot about, getting virtually every detail wrong, and I have to resist saying anything because I know my input will either be ignored, or worse, straight up unwelcome.
    Luckily the blessing of being dumb as bricks is that that doesn't happen a lot, but I sure hate when it does.

  • Advice on increasing dpad sensitivity?
  • Yeah, but that seems to be an issue with aftermarket membranes mostly. I haven't found any that aren't stiffer than the OEM by a significant degree. If you can find an OEM membrane in good condition, and combine it with the cardstock mod, it usually reaches about the same stiffness. However, after all this time I've found OEM membranes tear pretty easily, making them even stiffer than aftermarket, so I personally opted to deal with the stiffness of aftermarket membranes combined with the cardstock. Though nowadays I actually just use an SP because I like that dpad more (it uses metal membranes that don't as easily wear down.)

  • Advice on increasing dpad sensitivity?
  • I had this problem with one I modded myself because the new screen was just slightly thicker than the old, pressing on the outer shell and causing the dpad to need more pressure. The solution that worked for me is cutting a small ring of cardstock and putting it between the dpad and the membrane. It increases sensitivity by a lot, but does come with the side effect that you'll be able to press every direction down at once if you press on the center.

  • There's a secret bingo square that says 'not a girl'
  • Simultaneously power mommy and disaster bisexual. Except the disaster part only applies around women and the power mommy part only applies around men. I don't understand this phenomenon but I enjoy it.
    I think it's best demonstrated in the difference between how I confessed to my 2 latest crushes, one man and one woman. The dude, I was like "Yo, I like you. You in?" with zero hesitation.
    The woman? Stuttered for 10 minutes straight until she figured out what I was trying to do and helped me through it.
    They both said no, but they're both very good friends of mine now, so it worked out.

  • Invasive species [The Daily Drawing]
  • I've definitely heard "invasive" used to describe people quite often. It's not usually the first word people will pick, but it's not uncommon.
    But on a related note, what's up with Lemmy (and previously Reddit) insisting that just because they didn't get a joke means it's not funny/poorly written? You're allowed to just not understand jokes sometimes. You can't explain away why something is objectively not funny any more than you can objectively explain why a joke is funny.

  • rule
  • I have a similar issue as somebody with a case of dysphagia worsened by certain foods, which happen to be 90% of what you're supposed to eat to be healthy (suspected to be a combination of eosinophilic esophagitis and another unknown condition.)
    The amount of times on various social media platforms I've been told to "suck it up and just eat them anyway" as if my condition isn't real and that won't cause me to choke to death is absurd.

  • Does anyone else ever just realize that you're not even sure why you want a relationship at all?
  • I'm beginning to wonder what romance is as well, after gaining close friends, especially one very close friend, who considers everything I once considered romantic to be just friendly interaction. That was kinda the catalyst for me to start wondering what it is a relationship can even offer me if I can have friends like this anyway.

  • Does anyone else ever just realize that you're not even sure why you want a relationship at all?
  • Ah, don't worry, I wasn't trying to defend myself. More trying to understand my own feelings via comparison. Because I know that for some reason I do still want and enjoy romantic relationships, but I don't know why, since I get so much from my friends. It makes it difficult to know when somebody would be a good romantic partner for me because I don't know what I want from them in the first place, as evidence by the fact that all my exs have ended up making better friends for me than partners.

  • I can only hope people continue to love the truly old ones for a long time.
  • I haven't even hit 30 yet and it's weird to hear Voyager called old. I grew up watching TNG and sometimes TOS with my mom. It was one of the few good parts of my childhood. It took me forever just to stop referring to Voyager and Enterprise as "the new stuff."

  • Does anyone else ever just realize that you're not even sure why you want a relationship at all?
  • I think it's a bit of both in my case. I have a lot of popular friends, and that happens to turn a lot of heads my way and make some people insecure around me, but I also act unintentionally rude quite often, which I've been making an effort to fix, and I've been told by some people that it does make me look stuck up until people get to know me and realize I'm not rude, just very autistic.

  • Does anyone else ever just realize that you're not even sure why you want a relationship at all?
  • I do have that resting bitch face (if you can see my profile picture, that's evidence enough.) I also have a habit of being unintentionally rude on account of autism. It causes most people who interact with me to really quickly turn away because I give off the vibe that I don't wanna be around them, even when I am enjoying their company. I end up being unintentionally popular anyway though because most of my friends are very popular, on account of them being so social even my unintentional rudeness couldn't turn them away. And naturally having a lot of popular friends turns heads in my direction as well.

  • Does anyone else ever just realize that you're not even sure why you want a relationship at all?
  • As far as sexual reasons go, I don't really need that myself. I'm not exactly asexual, I'm sexually attracted to people, I just find it's easy enough to take care of that need without a partner.

    Losing friends to relationships though, I haven't ever had that happen. I just become friends with their partner too and absorb them into my friend group.

    Although I found out that way through some of them that apparently I give off a really intimidating aura. Apparently I give off the vibes of "the popular girl who refuses to associate herself with the peasants" as somebody said. They tend to be pretty shocked I had any interest in being friends with them at all.

  • Does anyone else ever just realize that you're not even sure why you want a relationship at all?
  • I can see that perspective, and maybe subconsciously it is that stability I'm looking for, especially because I've gone through 2 separate traumatic events that resulted in me losing every friend I had, the second, the only person who stayed with me was my ex, who I was dating at the time.

    I guess though I kinda feel like I have achieved some level of stability even without a relationship. That ex I just mentioned is still a good friend, and he and his girlfriend talk constantly about trying to move closer to me, because at this point they both consider me more of family than just a friend.

    And it's like that for most of my close friends. I've got some that come and go, but my tightknit inner circle seems here to stay at least, at least for a very long time. I can see the appeal of wanting somebody to be there for my entire life though. Granted, the only people I can think of that I want that out of are the friends I already have, but on account of the fact that my friend group is practically composed purely of exs and people who've rejected me romantically already, it seems I'll have to look elsewhere. Although that's kind of a sad prospect to me, that I don't get to choose any of them to stay by my side forever.

  • Does anyone else ever just realize that you're not even sure why you want a relationship at all?

    As I've gained more and more close friends, more than I've ever had in my life, and some closer than I've ever had in my life, I've come to realize something recently. Despite the prevailing feeling like I want a relationship, I don't actually know why it is I want one, nor what I have to gain from one.

    Many of my friends nowadays are in fact either people who have rejected me romantically, or are exs that things just didn't work out with but we found we made better friends. And that's been the case with getting rejected too. I just end up enjoying the friendship so much, and getting so much out of it, that I just start to wonder why I ever wanted anything more than that. And what even is more than that?

    Maybe everybody else has already realized this by my age, and my sheltered religious upbringing has just held me back a few years again, but I've started seriously considering, with every new crush, if they'd actually be any better for me as a partner instead of just a friend, and I've found that the answer, thus far, has always been no.

    I guess the only thing that still has me wondering is, well, what does a romantic relationship offer that friendship doesn't? My friends already love me, and tell me all the time. They already care for me in ways I used to think only a partner would, and I do my best to care for them too. I still desire a romantic relationship for some reason, but I just can't see what there is to gain anymore.

    18
    NSFW
    After what time on HRT did you experience a female orgasm?
  • For me, the changes happened really gradually, and some changes didn't happen at all (which is normal, because it's not the same for everyone, not even cis women.) It took around 2 years before I started noticing any changes, and around 4 before I stopped noticing any more changes. It can vary a lot though.

    It's also worth noting even once you've experienced all the changes, it won't feel the same every time. For instance, for me, it's only a full body experience if it's a good one. Otherwise it doesn't feel much different in nature from a guy's orgasm. It does definitely last longer usually though. Usually around 15 seconds, but it can go up to... well, actually, I've never felt the need to break out a stop watch.

    There's some things that for me never changed though. For instance, it doesn't take any longer to build up, and I almost never can have multiple in a row. Although I'm still responsive to stimulation, it just doesn't go anywhere. On very rare occasions I've had consecutive ones, but it's been that way since even before I transitioned.

    Also, I've seen a lot of claims that female orgasms are more intense than male orgasms. For me at least, that is absolutely not the case. They feel different, but intensity wise it's exactly the same. I do react more physically, but not because it feels better, rather just because estrogen did that to me for some reason.

    I think honestly the line between "male" and "female" orgasm are a lot blurrier than people think and it's not really a useful way to think about it. Not everyone will even experience changes to their orgasms and that's not because there's something wrong, it's just because there's so much natural variance that many women just naturally experience what is often called a "male" orgasm.

    I've seen a lot of trans women get really disappointed thinking something must be wrong because they haven't achieved the fabled "female orgasm." Just know that that's a very idealized version of a female orgasm that not even most cis women, in my experience, meet. It's completely normal for some things to change but not others, or even on occasion for almost nothing to change at all.

  • It is very therapeutic to garden, though.
  • I spend 1/3rd of that on all of my groceries combined per month. If I was spending that much per week I would be over 1000$ in debt after a single month. Is the average person really that rich? And what food are they buying that they need to spend that much?
    This is baffling to me as a poor person.

  • A bit late
  • Men being hurt by women is not an excuse for men to hurt women in return. It is possible for both groups to acknowledge they've been hurt by each other and work toward a solution. Pushing "they hurt me so they deserve to be hurt" helps nobody, especially when both groups are doing it.
    That's what I'm complaining about. This mindset that being hurt by men/women completely absolves you of the responsibility to allow them to feel safe. Any space dominated by women will be filled with "Well men are responsible for the majority of violence and sexual assault so actually you deserve to feel like shit." every time a man speaks up. Any space dominated by men will be filled with "Well it makes me feel bad when you discuss the repercussions of your trauma so shut the fuck up." every time a woman speaks up.
    We can have a place where both genders can talk freely about the way these things effect them and the changes we need to make to fix them. The issue is people are only pretending to want such a space. What they really want is the other gender to sit down, shut up, and agree with them uncritically. Because in their head they're definitely in the right and they'd rather not be confronted with alternate viewpoints from people who have lived experiences they'll never have.

    Worse, as a trans woman, you'd think people would be more willing to accept our viewpoints because trans people are some of few people who can have both lived experiences. But no, our experiences are only valid if they 100% allign with the men or women we share them with. Otherwise we're brushed off like somehow our experience doesn't count because we had the wrong experience to reaffirm their biases.
    On Lemmy, dominated by men, when I say I fear women due to my lived childhood experience as a boy, being taken advantage of while I was still too young to fight back, I'm met with outpourings of support. People talk about why "this is why trans people's life experience matters." When I mention later in the same conversation that I also fear men due to my lived experience as a woman and not being able to fight back due the the hormonal muscle loss, suddenly, my experiences don't count anymore. People think they get to pick and choose which of my experiences were valid and valuable and which aren't based on whatever reaffirms what they already believe. And of course you can bet the exact same thing happens the other way around when I tell the same story to women.

  • A bit late
  • But what's going on here isn't something within the control of most people. When you're abused by somebody you don't choose to fear those people, you fear them because that's what your brain is wired to do to avoid repeated trauma. Like I said, therapy is the solution, but only part of the solution. The other part is fixing the issue causing the trauma in the first place. Men aren't being victimized by the women who fear them, they're being victimized by the other men who caused that fear.
    And I want to be clear, because I've realized at this point that this isn't obvious anymore in today's world, fear is not an excuse for misandry. At the same time, fear of men is not misandry. Somebody saying they'd rather pick the bear should be met with "oh, we should fix the issue causing them to fear men more than bears," not "oh, they should fear bears more."
    I also want to be clear that this isn't even a gendered issue despite the fact that it's been made into one. A man who's been abused by women and would rather pick the bear should also be met with compassion and "how can we reduce the number of female abusers?" I've actually been abused by women too. In fact, more often than I have men. I want to be clear that even though this discussion has been about men specifically, I feel the exact same way about women. That we still need to be compassionate to their victims and accept that the people who traumatized them are the problem, not their trauma.
    Fearing somebody is not an action you perform, it's a state you're in.

  • Why are neurotypicals in charge of making up the social rules? They're not even very good at it.

    Edit: A few people have interpreted the title as serious, so I wanna clarify that it was meant as a sarcastic joke about how little sense the neurotypical world makes to me, but it is still legitimately me asking for help understanding said neurotypical world.

    Was having a conversation with a friend today about why I seem unapproachable to people online. Apparently it's for 2 reasons.

    One is that I say "K." all the time, as a short way of saying okay. She pointed out that most people find this rude and offensive. This kinda baffled me, because like why? She explained that like, if somebody were to give a long emotional speech and I just responded "K." that would be offensive. That confounds me. So it's rude in one context, and neurotypicals have decided to be offended by it in all contexts? But the reason it's rude is what confuses me more. Apparently it's considered lazy because you could have just typed out the word, but like, that applies to all text speech and nobody's mad about people shortening those words.

    But it got more confusing when she explained the second reason, which is that I end all of my sentences with proper punctuation, which she said "makes people feel like I'm done with the conversation and not interested." But just a second ago improper grammar was rude, and now proper grammar is rude instead.

    It baffles me. You can't just use proper or improper grammar. Use too much improper grammar and you're lazy and rude. Use too little and you're also rude. But you can't just use any improper grammar, you have to use the very specific subset of improper grammar that's been deemed acceptable and not lazy (even though it's exactly as lazy as what they do consider lazy.)

    To be clear, I'm not bitter, and I'm definitely gonna adjust my behavior to hopefully seem a little less rude to people. I think that's just a nice thing to do. I just find the neurotypical mind utterly fascinating. I don't think they even realize how many contradictions exist in the social rules they all so easily accept.

    81
    Do we intentionally translate ancient stuff and languages to sound old timey as an artistic choice, or is there some other reason?

    Every time I see an ancient text translated, it always sounds like it was spoken by a classy Englishman from the 1800s. Is there a reason it's translated that way instead of modern English?

    27
    I feel desirable but unlovable.

    Couldn't find any venting communities on Lemmy, but if one exists please direct me to it. I'm fairly sick right now so I could have just missed one in my dazed state.

    I've been dealing with a problem lately. Technically not just lately, but my whole life, but for the past few years it's something I didn't have to worry about. I've always been a fairly popular person in whatever circles I take part in. People like me. They like my personality. They like my appearance. My friends value me extremely highly. All that's great. But when it comes to relationships, I always flop on my face. Some people find me really attractive but don't want anything serious. Some people do want something serious, but get scared off the second they see what's hiding under the hood. Others just prefer me as a friend and would rather not complicate that with a relationship. But practically zero people both want anything serious and find themselves able to handle me and my mental issues. There's only been one person ever who I ever had any semblance of a successful relationship with, and that was my first ex. We dated for two years, fell deeply in love, but still in the end broke up because of mental issues making being together too painful to deal with.

    I'm just so afraid I'll never find anyone. I found the first person in the world who could handle my emotional outbursts completely unfazed recently, and she just wanted to be friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to have a friend as amazing as her. I'm just living in fear that I'll never be able to find somebody who can handle and understand me like she can, who does want to be anything more. I just want people to stop leaving because of my over-tuned emotions getting in the way.

    And yeah, yeah, I know, "you don't need a relationship to be happy" and whatever. That's not the point. The point is I practically don't even have the option of a relationship in the first place because nobody can handle my deeper issues. I'm on numerous meds. I've tried therapy, and am still trying. I've done all I can on the road to self improvement and the only thing left I can do is find somebody who can handle what issues remain, and it doesn't look like that'll happen. It feels like I got a million romantic options and zero of them are good ones.

    I know there's only one real solution, and that's to keep trying, and keep looking. I just needed to vent about it because the process of doing so is making me feel like shit and giving up would make me feel even worse, as if accepting that I'm unlovable.

    19
    Computer won't sleep properly on Windows nor Linux. (EDIT: Actually, it's working on Windows but not Linux now, for seemingly no reason)

    Edit for anybody who finds this post later: It was an Ubuntu specific issue. Swapping it for Fedora has allowed sleep to work perfectly. I suspect the Ubuntu kernels have an issue with certain motherboards.

    So this is a problem I've had for a while, but I've finally decided I'm sick of it enough to see if anybody has any ideas.

    Basically, I replaced my PCs motherboard and PSU to make them fit into a mini itx case so I'd have more space.

    Ever since then, I've had an issue where putting my PC to sleep causes it to appear to sleep properly for a split second, all the lights and fans turning off. But then immediately after that, the lights and fans come back on as if it were trying to wake from sleep, except it just gets stuck like that, with no video output to the monitor, no audio output to the speakers, and unresponsive to any button presses. Even pressing and holding the power button does nothing.

    I can restore it from this state by shutting off my power supply then immediately turning it back on. This results in the computer acting like I woke it up from sleep completely normally. Even the logs show no errors, saying that it went to sleep properly and that it woke up properly when I flicked the switch.

    Weirdly, I had no issues having it sleep on Windows initially, displaying the expected behavior of all the fans and lights turning off and staying off, and coming back to life with video and audio when I tap the power button. This behavior started the first time I tried to put it to sleep in Ubuntu, where it did what I explained above. Since then, not even Windows will sleep properly anymore.

    This behavior seems to exclusively happen when using suspend to ram. Hibernation works fine on Windows and Linux, as well as standby. As a result, I've been using those as a workaround.

    My setup is the following: Motherboard: Gigabyte a520i AC PSU: Cooler Master v850 SFX GPU: Radeon RX5700 XT (can't remember the exact brand) CPU: Ryzen 5 3500 RAM: 16 gigabytes. Corsair Vengeance sounds like the right one, but I don't entirely remember.

    Not sure if it's important, but I'm also running an Samsung 970 Evo Plus NVME, a Samsung 860 Evo 2.5 inch SSD, some kind of western digital HDD, a Viotek monitor, and a wireless Logitech mouse and keyboard (which aren't Bluetooth, they use receivers.) I've tested without the mouse and keyboard just in case though and the same behavior was exhibited.

    Any help is appreciated. Even if nobody knows what's going on, being a few steps closer to finally solving this would be nice. I'm posting this right before bed though, so I may not see any replies until tomorrow unless I end up too hyper focused on this to sleep.

    EDIT: Issue was fixed on Windows by running "powercfg/a" to check sleep states, which shouldn't have worked, so I think the windows issue was just a fluke since it didn't start until Ubuntu started doing it. Ubuntu's still broken though. Nothing I do fixes it and I suspect there's an incompatibility between it and my motherboard. Probably need to wait for a new kernel update that happens to fix it.

    7
    Why don't I bruise?

    As a kid, I bruised all the time, very easily. Nowadays, I don't bruise at all, with some exceptions. I broke my toe about a week ago, as in literally snapped the bone in half and ended up with one piece almost a centimeter out of alignment. And yet, no bruise. Not even the slightest sign of one. Now, the exception is if I've been drinking. I broke that same toe 2 years ago while I was drunk and it basically turned black.

    I don't know why I would bruise normally when drinking, but never bruise at all when sober. Is it possible I am bruising and it's just not visible for whatever reason?

    18
    Sombyr Sombyr @lemmy.zip

    Your local bi(polar) schizo fluffernutter.

    Previous profile under the same name over at lemmy.one

    Posts 7
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