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Platypus @lemmings.world

To the lonely people here... How do you survive these holidays?

Xmas, new year, valentine's... Seems like the festivities are there just to remind me how much I failed as an adult man incapable of getting company. It's been over a decade since I've felt this way and nothing changes.

Alcohol and porn has lost its charm over the years.

67 comments

  • My advice would be to make an effort to participate in group activities if you don't already. Try to open up to a few people and see where that goes. For example, I started going to a run club last summer where we run at least once every week, and I continue to meet interesting people each time. Stay a little bit after the run to socialize. A lot of them it turns out joined so they can socialize and motivate themselves to be more active, just like me. You can start at your own pace, even walk if you need to, of you're not a runner per se. We had a special holiday run last week where we celebrated afterwards with lots of games and activities at a bar/video game arcade and it was a blast. An added bonus is that now you'll have fun social activities to talk about when you meet new people outside of the club. I've met people that are into board games, cycling, you name it. So that opens up new doors for other types of activities. It gets easier after you start going regularly and everyone recognizes you. Starting a conversation is as simple as asking how their day/run/whatever went.

  • Me and dog are doing just fine, thank you. I make some traditional foods, we eat well and then we chill.

    (I left my last relationship a couple of years ago and I'm very content living by myself. I'm invited to some friends place but honestly though I love them I can't be arsed. I'll see them some other day that isn't hectic and supposedly special.)

  • I've been depressed...hell I still am, though I cope better than I used to.

    I'm guessing its not just the holidays that gets you down. There's two ways out, and I suggest doing both.

    1. Conform to some of the social norms that basically means take some of the classic advice you've already seen on here. Get out of the house and participate in activities that you might not initially enjoy, but hold some promise of you at least getting a bit of enjoyment out of, or at least stick around for the socializing. Think of it like taking your vitamins, you don't have to like it, but its probably good for you and therefore you should consider doing it.
    2. Find things you enjoy doing in your solitude that are nondestructive/neutral or even healthy (depends on the context if its avoidance/addiction or not). Listen to podcasts, read books, learn a new skill, listen to music, meditate, exercise, etc. Just something. We can give you ideas all day, but just choose something and stick with it for at least a couple weeks before trying something else.

    The harsh truth is that without some kind of existential raison d'etre, life is just a series of activities we use to distract ourselves from our own loneliness or avoiding ruminating on other topics like death.

    The world right now has made it hard for people of all walks of life to connect authentically, and so don't blame yourself entirely for the situation you're in. That said, when you're down in the shit, there's only two choices, you either wallow in it or you clean yourself up and do what you can to make your way up and out of it.

    And I hold no judgments on what you or anyone decides to do here, life is hard and yeah, it can suck. But I personally look at it that I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. But I already know what it's like being damned if I don't... might as well find out what it's like being damned if I do.

    Take it or leave it, that's all I've got for you or anybody. Good luck out there.

  • Walk around & enjoy the view & play video-games & talk to people like you (not meant as an insult)

  • Same way I do every other day, play horror games, fuck around on my computer and cry. With you on the alcohol and porn too. I should switch to Playboy.

    Edit: Also learning Esperanto, it's good to keep your mind active. Learning a language can help. I also have an irrational or maybe rational fear of developing dementia. Gotta workout your brain.

  • I just work a lot and I don't have enough downtime to let the depression sink in.

  • There's a difference between being alone versus "lonely." I know this sounds flippant, but you have to find things you like. Things you wake up and look forward to, or plan for yourself. Maybe plan something for yourself next holiday? Take yourself out to dinner, spa day if that's your bag, maybe look into a hobby you've always been interested in, go to a out-of-the way store, whatever is special to you and for you.

    Good luck.

  • Autistic adult here. I love being alone. Since 2020 (pandemic) I have spent both Christmas and the new year alone at my home with my cat. I just cooked something special for myself and acted like it was a normal day. Also I sent messages to all my friends wishing them happy holidays.

    I have to admit, though, that this year I felt a little lonely, so I decided to visit my family again, but only for Christmas. I want to spend the new year alone, otherwise it would be too much time surrounded by too many people.

  • OP - from the responses you've given to many of the replies, it feels like you've lost faith in mankind. As many of us do feel time to time or even all the time. If you haven't tried, try to walk into a church that's left it's doors open for people to walk in whenever (instead of attending a service/ mass, etc.). If you wanted to, you could probably even walk up to someone who works at the church and tell them your frustrations. Usually a church with open doors have a welcoming air.

    At worst, it's another crapshoot. At best, you might find something uniquely different.

67 comments