Millennials recently found themselves bawling with tears of joy after Steve Burns of “Blue’s Clues” fame once again touched their hearts by viciously beating Dan Schneider to death with his bare hands.
I didn't know it was possible for me to love the Hard Times even more! This is fantastic. I especially love these bits:
At this moment Steve starts singing ‘here’s my fist it never fails, when I swing it really sails, when it strikes I want to wail, dieeeeee!!!’ and then he just starts bashing in Dan’s skull
and
At press time, it was reported that a spotted blue puppy was seen in LA carrying around the decapitated head of convicted pedophile and former Nickelodeon employee Brian Peck.
Fuck, I just love it so much. Beautiful! Thanks for posting this here, ZeroCool!
Beyond that, of what I understand to be the openly verifiable stuff, he's openly a sex pest with a foot fetish as he has had a number of incredibly out of place scenes involving shots of underage female stars feet in the shows he has overseen, and he also tried to start a trend of getting (mostly underage) fans of his shows to write messages on their feet and post the pictures to twitter. I think it was "supposed" to be some sort of campaign to bring a show back?
Man is at absolute best a disgusting fucking creep preying on the underage for his foot fetish. Tons of circumstantial evidence that he's much much worse than that.
“If there’s one thing I always wanted to teach the kids who watched ‘Blues Clues’ it’s that you have to be ready to do the right thing,” said Steve from behind the glass in the local jail. “That’s why after watching the ‘Quiet on Set’ documentary I knew I had to take action. I followed all of the clues before sitting down in my thinking chair and thinking about what to do. I soon realized that abused children, Dan Schneider, and my fists all added up to justified vigilante justice. My dog might be blue but I vowed my hands would be magenta after I was done with him.”
“hands would be magenta” my guy you probably shoulda googled that word before committing to it.
Magenta is a purple-ish red color which on it's own doesn't really work as a reference to blood, but the author chose that specific color because it's also the name of Blue's friend next door, a dog named Magenta.
On a second, more careful review of that wikipedia page:
I thank you for being the only person to actually address and correct my mistake. While the color I was brought up to understand as magenta and the color of the flower I got when I googled "magenta" and the color of the relevant dog (if you squint, maybe) do not look like any bruise or blood, the color can be fairly said to take up more space in the color wheel than that, and potentially includes many "bruised" colors.