So uhh.. how often should I be washing me towels?

Also, never ever ever use fabric softener on towels. It ruins them by covering them in an oily thin compound that nullifies their ability to absorb water. And it takes so much work and many washings to fix them.
- I wish I could make my wife understand this :-(
  
  You could do the laundry yourself and then she’d be the one sitting complaining on Reddit—uh, Lemmdit

(me... Washing them every 3-4 weeks and reading the comments.)
- [Hands you a towel]
  
  Oh, is it 3 weeks already?
- Me at 8 weeks wondering what all the fuss is about.
- If you only shower once a month I don't understand why I you'd need to wash the towel any more regularly?

I wash mine when it starts growing mold. So anywhere from every 3 years to every 6 years.
- What the fuck
- I had a roommate in college who just never washed his towel (singular) all semester.
  It was fucking disgusting and made the whole bathroom smell like BO, to the point that every time I needed to use the bathroom, I'd put on my trusty rubber gloves and throw it up against his door.
  His argument was that he only ever used it after he showered, on his clean body, so using it to dry a clean body was effectively washing it too.
  It became routine for me and the other roommate to warn him when we were bringing a girl over that if he didn't get his towel out of the fucking bathroom, we'd exact nuclear revenge.
  
  We must have had the same roommate. Did he also stay up late at night screaming and clapping at movies alone in his room?

If you asked my wife, the answer would be that you use them for a day or two tops, but the important part is that you throw them in the hamper wet, and then make sure to put other clothes and stuff on top of them so they sit there damp and mouldering until laundry day comes around.
Our towel bar is directly above the heating grate, so towels, properly hung, will dry fairly quickly there. Considering that towels are typically only used to dry you once you've just thoroughly cleaned yourself, they won't smell like much of anything but maybe soap and shampoo for many days of use, assuming they are able to dry out. But apparently it's more of a priority that they get put in the laundry basket immediately, moisture be damned. I gave up trying to fight that fight long ago.
- Should do malicious compliance and drench the towels till they are soaking and dripping wet, then put them in the laundry basket.
- I thought sarcasm music but I couldn't hear anything.

Once a week is normal, unless you notice a funk. How wet they get, how you hang them, and how well they dry can be factors in this.

Which towels are we talking about, and how frequently do they get used?
Bath towels, hand towels and dish drying towels will all get dirty at different rates, and get/stay wet at different rates.
Towels should smell clean (clean, not perfumy) and be dry and not feel like they’ve got something on them. The more time a towel stays wet, the more often you wash it. If it gets noticeably dirty, you wash it. This could be anywhere from once a day to never, if it’s just decorative and you never use it.

I use the smell test. If it smells weird in any way, it goes to the wash.
- Same. If it smells clean and looks clean, then it's clean enough for my needs. Any mustiness though, and in the wash it goes.
  I've found that in the summer, I'm lucky if it still smells good in two days, but in the winter it can sometimes last 4-5 days.

Relevant Dilbert:
- I'm confused and pleased that this one strip from twenty eight years ago also lives in somebody else's head
  
  This is the first thing that comes to my mind when someone mentions towel washing frequency.
  
  "Are towels supposed to bend?" Is one of my all time favourites haha.

After every third use, ideally
- I'll agree.

I also wash them once a week
- Me too. And I use a face towel instead of a full sized one so that I can wash it more frequently if I need, and it's taking half the space in the washer. Maybe with long hair it wouldn't be big enough, but for me it works.

Once a week is fine. You're clean when you get out of the shower, and the towel air-dries as you're not using it. Even where I live - 65% humidity year-round - we only wash the towels once a week.
- Proper air-drying is key. Gotta maximize the surface area. If there's a gentle breeze nearby, all the better.
  Living somewhere where you can use a clothesline would fit this most times (ie, if it's not raining all the time).

I'm only using the towel to dry off when I'm clean from showering, I use it at least a week. I do hang it from a rack where it dries well.
- even when you are clean from showering, you are still covered in delicious skin, refreshing moisture, and things that thrive in the presence of both.

When I was a kid, it was one and done. I grabbed a clean towel from the bathroom closet every day. Even though I was clean coming out of the shower, I also knew that showering loosens dead skin cells, which I was rubbing all over the towel. Over time, those skin cells would decompose, giving off a musty smell. I learned that from my dad, who almost never changed his towel. Ick. It made me extra paranoid about reusing them, so I swapped towels daily.
When I became an adult and had to do my own laundry, I realized just how miserable it was trying to wash 7 towels every week. (Why did my mother let me use so many towels as a kid?!) So I started reusing them. I used a towel for a week before throwing it in the laundry.
Now, I'm recently retired in my late 30s and shower every 2-3 days (or anytime I leave the house). Since I'm not showering as frequently, I will reuse a towel for about 2-3 weeks before replacing it. If I go to dry off after a shower and the towel smells a bit musty, I'll toss it on the floor and grab a fresh towel instead. I think I'm on week 4 with my current towel, but it still smells clean, so I'm not too worried about getting a few more showers out of it.
- this makes me wonder how much longer a towel could be used if it were promptly dried after use, rather than put up on a hook where some of it dries sorta and the rest of it clumps.
  
  You put it on a hook? The shower rod is pretty good for me when I hang it to dry. Move the curtain out of the way and spread it out and it gets pretty good airing out. When I lived in places without a shower rod or a shared bathroom I'd hang it on a door.
  
  This is probably a key factor.

Face towels (washcloths) really only one use and then wash. Body towels I switch about once a week but I live in a dry climate and they dry fast. I also use a linen towel which is very absorbent but also dries much faster than terry. Kitchen towels I change depending on how I used them - normal use (drying hands), every couple of days. Cooking? Change after I am done cooking.
- Cooking? Change after I am done cooking.
  You cook your towels?
  
  You don't? But they taste awful raw.

I wash towels one week and sheets the next. Everything is on and alternating cycle.

Just to add to the answers here, remember to strip your towels once a year. That funky smell when they’re dry may be your delicious human oils penetrating deep and impregnating the fibers. Sebum rots and goes rancid, producing that musty closet smell.
- What does 'strip' mean in this context? (not a native speaker)
  
  I'm a native speaker and I don't know either.
  
  “Laundry stripping is a soaking process where you’re removing the built-up residue: excess laundry detergent, fabric softener, body oils, hard-water minerals… It’s something you do on towels that are already clean, not dirty.”
  “Fill a bathtub with hot water and add a quarter-cup of borax, a quarter-cup of washing soda (a.k.a. sodium carbonate) and a half-cup of detergent. Soak clean towels until the water cools (at least an hour), stirring occasionally. Then run the linens through the rinse cycle in your washing machine and dry them. Make sure to do this separately for lights and darks.”
  “Add an optional one to two small boxes of baking soda (especially if you have hard water) to soften and deodorize fabrics. You can also add more borax — up to a cup — if the laundry is moldy or musty.”
  
  I didn't know either but I just looked it up. It says to soak towels in a borax solution in a bathtub or a bucket
  
  I'd generally heard 'laundry stripping' used to refer to a vinegar soak/rinse, followed by a baking soda cycle to further neutralize. The idea being laundry soap/detergent is basic and some things build up and don't dissolve. Added borax was an alternative 'laundry booster' that made this unnecessary, as I'd heard it.
  But, it sounds like there's some variability to how the terms are used and for some a borax rinse is a stripping process. Understandable, as the end result is pretty much the same.
- You can also avoid this problem by adding a little borax to your laundry, particularly if you have hard water.
  
  3/4 c Stain Solver per load for the most cost effective solution. Has the most borax percent by weight. We order the 50lb tub and it lasts months. I'm not a shill, I promise! If we don't use it for every load, our hard Colorado River water makes the laundry smell like ass.

How often should you, I cannot tell. I do it when it's no longer white, and the idea of using it starts to seem repulsive. This strategy has worked for over a decade.

Really depends how dry you make them. If you're not able to dry and they stay damp all day I would throw them in the washing bin after a day or 2. If they dry out easily, maybe a week. But the smell test if best.

- I thought I was going crazy here. I have a clothes hamper and a towels hamper. Towel goes in hamper after use. Load of towels gets washed when the hamper is full.
  I guess it’d fill up a lot quicker if I had kids, and that’d become a problem.

I usually go for once a week to once every two weeks. But I do have a heated towel dryer, and k think that helps to keep bacteria to grow in them. My advice is to make sure you hang your towl somewhere they can air out well

Once a week for me too.
- Same here

I shoot for 2-3 uses for body/shower towels.
Hand towels, etc I try to grab/replace when I'm doing other laundry. Sometimes more often in the kitchen though, if say I've been cooking a lot and they start feeling wet or funky.

Washed once a week, and bleached every few washes. Helps keep them even cleaner.

I only clean mine once a week; but that's like 7 towels at a time. I use a fresh one every time I take a bath/shower and toss them in a hamper when done. The only towel that gets used more than once without being washed until the rest is the one towel I use as a floor mat because I'm too cheap to buy a floor mat.