1mo ago

Is it too early for a (21F) proposal to her? (23F)

I have been dating my girlfriend for 3 years. I want to surprise her by proposing to her and being all fancy for our hangout soon, but I don’t want to move too fast. 3 years should be fine, right??

Anyway, I’ll tell you how it goes!!

46 comments

Have you two talked about marriage before? Are your long-term goals compatible? I'm of the philosophy that totally spontaneous proposals generally aren't a great idea unless certain important things are already known.
If you have talked about those things, then yeah go for it.
- A lot. We both want to move to possibly Japan together and get married. My family loves her and her family loves me.
  I would not propose unless we talked about it, but she says often that she hopes we get married and that she wants to marry me.
  
  she says often that she hopes we get married and that she wants to marry me.
  That seems like a green light to me.
  
  Sorry this isnt a very serious response, but the clarity of her intention to marry you strongly reminded me of this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR_9Yw
  
  Err, just be aware that Japan does not (currently) recognize same-sex marriage, although some local governments offer unofficial perks to couples. That should change with the pending supreme court case, but the government has a history of dragging its feet on things it really doesn't want to address.
  Other than that it's pretty awesome here :3
  
  That sounds solid.
  That being said I do recommend living together before deciding if you wanna get married. Whole swathes of compatibility aren't really explored until you're living together.
  Not saying you shouldn't propose if you aren't living together, though.
I'll respond as the woman who married her best friend of 6 years after 2 months of being her girlfriend: go for it.
I'm sure she'll love you, say yes, and be a lovely wife.
- Okayyy, thanks!
To me, I'd never think about proposing without discussing marriage with them first. If you have and they want to, I don't see any problems with it
- I proposed to her today!!
  
  How'd it go?
Well, I heard a typical lesbianism first date involves a Uhaul. I don't think 3 yrs is too soon, if you're sure that's the person for you and you want to spend a life with. I'd say just be sure your partner feels the same way and you both have the same expectations before hurting yourself or another.
- I proposed earlier! She was sooo happy
Is this the kind of surprise she would be okay with? Have you talked to her about it before?
- Yep!
  
  Alright then, hope it goes well 🙂
The only REAL criteria for getting married, thst isn't just personal social preference, are as follows:
Is there any kind of social imbalance of power? Like a boss/employee relationship, a really big age gap, an extended prior relationship where one party was a an adult, and the other wasn't, that kinda thing. Any of those is a big red flag. Definitely doesn't sound like the case here.
Have you talked about marriage, casually? Like, has the relationship evolved enough that the topic has just come up, and neither of you has been clear that you're not ready? Sounds like that's indeed the case here.
Like, the only "time threshold" that really matters is that #2 part, whether the relationship has matured to that point. Every relationsholip evolves at a different pace, in this regard.
In short.... (top-right panel) https://www.questionablecontent.net/comics/3738.png
- Thank you!!! ❤️ I proposed earlier
I wanted to propose to my wife for maybe 3 years before I did, but finances were a big problem for us. Eventually, I just said fuck it and got the nicest ring I could afford and proposed the same day it arrived. If you both want to get married, the time is right. You probably won't get a mystical sign from the universe that the time is come. Good luck! ❤️
- Thank you ❤️ I did it earlier!!
CONGRATULATIONS!!! If you are girls are planning on moving to Japan determine if there is any benefit to being married over there maybe get married ahead of time. Or wait until you get back. Best of luck!!!
I married my wife when we were 22 after being together for two years (moved in together after a month of dating). When you know, you know. Just don't do it if your only reason is because you've been together for a while. Do it because you don't want to live a life without her in it.
PS: We've been together 31 years this August.
- I don’t want to live a life without her. Thank you ❤️ She has made my life nothing but beautiful.
As a almost 50 year old heterosexual white cis man, my opinion might not matter here but as someone who is not married to his wife and mother of our children let me mansplain to you that it is not time that matters but the quality you both see I ln a relationship. Does your girlfriend want to marry? Do you live together and how does it feel? Besides butterflies in the stomach and satisfying intimacy, do you get along in your common live. Do you and does your girlfriend have space in your relationship to retreat and self-care while also allowing to spend enough time together . Can you imagine an every day live and do you believe that you can still enjoy one another even when times are rough for one of you? For me and my wife that I now live with for over 20 years, own a house together, have two kids and a dog, marriage was to binding for both of us. We found another way and we are happy. If that is different for you and your girlfriend do take that step. Time and age is not solely the deciding factor

46 comments