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Lemmy Shitpost @lemmy.world

kingpepe8006 @sh.itjust.works

5h ago

Oh god

58 comments

My fiance is 5' tall. I'm going to literally explode.
- ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Cup.
Uhhhh

A couch. Is this like one of JD Vance's fantasies? To be fucked by a couch?

Nice, just a coke spoon

Well.. it's a door. At least my ass will be closed for business after that.

Whew, just a coffee mug.

To my left is my dog Courage, she weighs about 50 lbs so having her shoved up my ass would probably end my life

- I only have a table to my left... Well this is gonna hurt.
- I'm assuming that that's the "before" photo
  The "after" would be the same, but with matted fur

My husband? Normal day.
- Well looks like u got the best option

My poor Blåhaj…

The wall? I wonder how that's gonna work

A teaspoon, or worryingly the kitchen table upon which it is sitting.

haha nvidia shield toblerone remote

A mirror. Or... Myself?

Of all guitars, why did I choose a ten-string one
- chuckles nervously in double neck

So do I choose the bath or one of the shampoo bottles? 🤔
- I'd go with the shampoo bottles

Small metal filling cabinet that is wider than I am, death is what I get

I just walked past a parked car as I read that—it's been nice knowing you all

Toilet paper? All according to plan
- Same but would be maybe better to not have it go all the way up
  
  I guess he's trying to deep clean the pipes

A 30cm offset serrated bread knife? At least the base is vaguely flared.
- Well, safety first

A bigass shelf. I'm going to die.

looks at radiator dubiously

It's like a 6ft x 2ft painting (2m x 0.7m roughly) on the wall. Going to be a rough night.

There’s a window, but just outside the window is a tall skinny CACTUS

A wall?!

OK, there's actually a banana to my left, but I already did that today

The first time I saw this post: sunglasses The second time: 375mL can of beer.

Well shit, I guess I have to re-enact 1 man 1 jar...
- Oh lawd not again

Okay but it doesn’t specify entirely up your ass, just up your ass. So a Bo staff wouldn’t be that bad, it’s smooth at least.
- Right? I had a fresh mug of coffee to the left of me when I read it, feels like the scalding alone would make that worse than a bo staff without even getting into the damage a shattering mug could do.

- Wait what u mean again????
  
  I should've not said that💀

A towel. Idk how im gonna make this work. Maybe if soaked with enough lube or oil 🤔
- Blender and a funnel!
  
  Eww thats even worse
- I reckon you could manage a towel with a bit of lube and some sort of stick to help it on its way.
  I believe in you, you've got this.
- Wrap it around a stick and then wrap it with rope like you would do with a turkey and then soak it in coconut oil
  Haven't done it myself yet but sounds like it might work🤷‍♂️
- I believe in you

Vlad the impaler

I'm lying on my right side in bed so I guess the ceiling?
- Same, except mine has a fan on it. 🪦

Eugh, nicotine pouch spit cup. Slimy.

HARDER!!

The finger pointed at the fish tank.
- I wish i die before that
  -fish

58 comments