Growing Up

At my age just breathing gives me gas. I sound like bagpipes with all the wheezing and tooting.

Gut microbiome dysbiosis is a hallmark of aging, so the meme checks out.
- I tried taking pre/pro-biotic gummies for a while to somehow try to fix my gut, and it just made me even more bloaty and gassy.
  
  I reset my gut biome over the course of a few months. It's honestly a huge pain in the ass. You have to juggle different ones until you find one that works, and you often wont know that until a couple of weeks of use. You also need to cut out things that don't interact well like a lot of fake sugars/etc, and often take the probiotics on an empty stomach and wait for a bit to eat, which is inconvenient. This is the one that finally worked for me, but it took 2 months of taking it as recommended.
  It did have a marked affect on me though. Solved some long standing stomach issues. I weirdly also started really enjoying pickled foods, something I had been adverse to my entire life. The gut really affects you in odd ways.
  
  We know very little about the gut microbiome, so with very few exceptions, probiotic supplements are more or less useless and potentially unhelpful. Your best bet is to consume lots of fiber from varying sources, and eat fermented foods daily with live cultures (e.g, yogurt, sauerkraut, natto, etc.) There is a great blog, Eat Shit and Prosper, written by a microbiome scientist that is interesting and entertaining.
  
  Then you have to take enzymes for reducing farting.
  
  I suggest you try other probiotics, the ones you're talking may not be the ones you're needing.
  This post is sponsored by IBS-M.

Coffee makes me shit now. Jokes on you body. I now use it as a tool when I'm blocked up
- So your instance is a lie. It doesn't just work.
  
  I've shamed myself and my community
- Coffee has always made me shit from the time I started drinking it regularly when I was 21.
  But now, a cup of water in the morning will trigger it. Like my body says, "MOISTURE?? I guess we don't need this anymore!!"
  I've stopped drinking coffee since getting on Adderall. Which is a shame. I was getting into some good stuff. But I've got a history of heart trouble in my family so coffee has been replaced by herbal tea. Gotta have a hot drink to truly wake up.
  
  For some reason, I suspect you are an enjoyer of Cinema Sins.