The consequences (of my actions) have been extreme

Every parent's "talk" with their kids should start with "Never say or post anything about yourself on the internet, in any capacity, that you wouldn't want literally everyone in your life knowing about. Assume everything you type, post or share will be seen by everyone."

I would extend that to include even uploading things to private cloud servers and saving things to your own computer. You don't have to take these precautions, but then it's on you to deal with consequences of people seeing the things you want to keep private. Sure, there can be bad people who make extra effort to find and share your private things, but if you already covered your bases ahead of time by not saying things you don't want others to hear, not posting media you don't want others to see, you can make it almost impossible for people to cause you harm this way. Also, don't talk about war plans in group chats.

edit: if you're one of the kinds of people who read this and feel a reaction of outrage or disappointment that you can't contain, this means you're sharing things you shouldn't and are now getting worried you won't be able to make yourself out to be a victim when it happens. Don't get mad at me, I didn't make these rules, you just never heard them before. Fix your shitty social life and shitty sense of humor.

I have had this exact talk with my kids repeatedly and probably will again ''the internet is a PUBLIC place, if you wouldn't do or say things you wouldn't be comfortable doing in the quad at school or in the middle of Walmart, DON'T do it online."
- You are officially ahead of like, half the people in this post, and your kids will be too.

Depends on context. Maybe I'm not reading the OP right, but if it's in the context of "yo guys what do I say" it's different from "yo guys look how desperate she is lmao"

If you're ever concerned that your private messages will get leaked, why send it? That seems like a you issue for trusting them.

- There’s no scenario where you’re not the a-hole if you’re going to parrot something someone else told you in private, elsewhere.
  I can think of several, including the one being described in the original post
- There’s no scenario where you’re not the a-hole if you’re going to parrot something someone else told you in private, elsewhere.
  There is no scenario where you "extending trust" to someone protects you from potential consequence. You're not the victim if someone you don't know well shares your private shit, you're an idiot.
  If you're sharing things in confidence that could get you in trouble, you're already making a mistake, and this triggers some people and I cannot fathom why. Just be more careful and you'll be fine, you're not entitled to privacy on the internet, you cannot predict what other people do, and even if you're totally in the right and someone else is deliberately trying to "take you down" you have made mistakes in extending trust to people you don't know well enough, on the internet, about things that could have consequences.
  I am sad that people never taught their kids how to use the internet back when it was newer, they just all said "nothing there is real, don't worry about it" while we all use it all day, every day, with no real guidance.
  
  I don't know who you're "angry" with but you're either soft-defending the people who had the server or doing the worst job in the world specifying who you're directing criticism at.
  The abuse of trust is the problem there, not the trust itself…
  There’s no scenario where you’re not the a-hole if you’re going to parrot something someone else told you in private, elsewhere.
  I’ve definitely got some bleak ass humor with some friends in private but forwarding messages people sent you in private to other people and group chats? Really?
  I think a lot of people here feel like you're mounting a case against Derek, or at least saying the guys with the discord server are not accountable or less accountable.
  
  I'm still completely confused how you seem to be shifting your stances around. Despite how much fun you seem to be having trolling everyone, I do NOT find recreational enjoyment arguing with people who don't know how to string words together, so I will block you to end this, you're on your own with everyone else you've confused here over the exact same messages.
- Seems like the finger should be pointed at you for being so naive and trusting someone so blindly?
  And reading the post, you telling me if OP was sending nudes of his girlfriend to a group chat, Derrick is the asshole here?
  Yeah alright.
Sadly, people rather get in trouble and make themselves out to be a victim than decide to use some measure of self control and not spout every stupid thing that crosses their mind in their weird little shitty discord channel with their other shitty friends.
Seriously, I have been around the internet since the beginning of it, and people make the same mistakes over and over. This is one of them, and one I've never had to deal with because I don't say shitty things to people, I don't make "off color" jokes and have no desire to, and you know what... somehow I am not lacking a social life, it's almost like being a shitty person doesn't have to be a substitute for having a personality, you can just learn to socialize like a big boy or big girl and not set yourself up for disaster later.

Isn't that what Derek just did to him? Feels bad I guess ;D

Yeah that's my line. Something someone told you in confidence is a shit thing to make fun of them for, forwarding it to friends is another level.

Derek's lame but they were shit too

Nah fuck that.
If your comment was so bad that a person you both trust and respected was like, "WTF" to expose it, that's on you.
The whole meToo movement is based on this. Just "locker room" talk to some, but deeply disgusting sexual harassment from a small group and behavior to the other 90%.
- I meant that the guys in the chat were scum for for sharing their SO dms with each other.
confidence
If this is supposed to be private, personal stuff, why then would you share it with either someone you don't know well, or share it in a public space where others can see it? "Confidential" material means it should only be seen by people you trust. This whole post is about someone they didn't know or trust coming into their space and sharing their shit. It's entirely on them for saying stupid shit on the internet and not being careful.
- Agreed. Was referring to the messages their SO's sent them they then talked in the chat about
  That's scum

I text my friends offensive shit too, but imo the only reason you can consider them funny is because it's the exact opposite of who i am. Like i don't even really swear irl. But shit like forwarding private messages or bullying real people is so disgusting to me. I often talk to girls from tinder, and they sometimes send me screenshots of people from tinder to make fun of them. Instant turn off and block.

If you're sharing it privately, that's your true self, the version of you unfiltered and able to avoid the consequences of actually saying it.
Not if, but when it gets exposed by a Derek, will people look at you differently?
You just discovered something important about yourself.
- This is an over generalization. How can you support that this is true other than for yourself alone?
  Sometimes the unfiltered things I discuss in private are for the purpose of getting feedback. A brainstorming space without any of the regular inhibitions censoring free thought. I’m not looking for affirmation, but genuinely want to see what the unfiltered feedback would be, and am ready to change my option on a dime.
  Take this to the next level: you do this in your own mind / imagination before you speak. You think things that you don’t say. So is everything in your mind, even things you think are wrong and choose not to express, your true self? And you should be ashamed of shameful thoughts?
  Also what do you even mean by “true” self? If I act differently around different groups of people, which one is true?
  
  Gonna share this again
  This commenter said it best:
  To the people who think what OP did was completely normal and something everyone does, (and I hate to use this phrase) check the “ratio” here. Nobody thinks this is normal. You and OP are in the slim minority spewing vile shit about people in your lives. It’s cruel and childish. You’d be smart to learn from OP’s predicament before you find yourself in the exact same situation with everyone you know hating you because you thought it was perfectly normal to constantly trash talk them behind their back. It’s not normal. Not everyone is doing it. Assholes like OP and apparently yourself are doing it. And it clearly can bite you in the ass. As I said in my initial comment, these kinds of things can have serious real world consequences. So you may wanna wise up and start being a respectable human being ;)
  
  A brainstorming space
  He posted nudes of his ex, among other things I'm sure at the same level of taste and class.
  Can we stop twisting ourselves in knots trying to make fabricated and abstracted situations trying to engineer this to a situation where the people who originally shared terrible things are somehow morally justified? When you're shitty on the internet, and let other people see your shitty shit, shit is going to come back on you. It's your fault, you made a mistake. Period. This isn't deep or hard to figure out.
  You don't even have to be the bad guy here, you can do everything right and STILL end up fucked over because you didn't take care with what you post around other people. Learn to be smarter. Get gud.
- This is a terrible take. Obviously, I can say something offensive to a friend that they would find funny exactly because they know I don't mean it seriously.
  Saying that is some kind of "reflection of my true self" is honestly just dumb. I'm saying the offensive thing because I find it offensive myself, and because I would never say it to someone I don't trust to understand that.