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I feel my life is empty. Is there any way to stop this?

Don't suggest hobbies or human contact. It's been suggested and it doesn't work.

I have a job I don't particularly hate nor like, some coworkers I get along with others are just morons, I go to work, then buy groceries, go home, eat, watch tv, go to bed. Rinse and repeat.

On my free days I do sport and watch pirated netflix. I don't spend much money on clothing or media and save most of my paycheck. What for? I have no idea. I don't eat out because I like cooking my own food and restaurants are expensive and the food is bland.

Everything is so expensive nowadays btw...

Most people bore me. I'm like an atheist monk.

I don't want to kill myself or anybody fwiw. It's like I don't give a crap about anything or anyone and don't see what's the point of living.

I don't want to travel because it costs money.

As soon as my cognitive abilities start to fail I'm going to be very easy prey for any online scammer.

102 comments
  • The hobbies are being suggested because you clearly need a new element to spice up your life. Tbh i always felt the same way as you did, barely satisfied by what life has to offer. My answer to this is distraction, i cannot really sell you on why its the answer its just that deep down I know that novelty is the only aspect of life that has the potential to enrich it. Pick a new source of distraction that offers bottomless rabbitholes.

  • You, my friend, need an adventure. Any adventure, even if it sounds small and dumb.

    I creeped your post history (sorry) - did you end up taking that bus trip you talked about a few months back? If so, what was that like? If not, any reason why you feel you shouldn't do it now (or soon)?

    I've felt like you before, at least the way you're describing it. My solution was mundane adventure - walk a stupid amount to a place you could easily get to by car. Strike up conversations with strangers by leaving your phone alone re: directions/things of interest/etc. unless absolutely necessary. Set yourself some boon to obtain - a beer at Pub X, a meal at place Y, whatever - and make the journey a little less convenient/a little more scenic than you might do by default.

    The above isn't for everyone, obvs, but take the idea of an adventure or 'quest' and see if anything strikes you. It can be as grand or mundane as you want it to be.

    Just one option among others.

  • is there any way to stop this

    There’s pretty much every way. Work, eat, shower, sleep is such a minimal place to start that if emptiness is your issue, I feel like you could go in any direction you want and do better.

    Maybe no one ever told you this so I’ll try. There is no objective meaning to life or purpose for it. The meaning is up to you to make. I don’t think any path whatsoever (therapy, volunteering, art, hobbies, dating, travel, whatever) will work unless you take responsibility for the problem. If you are hoping for others to provide the genius answer, or looking for some global perfect answer or “meaning of life” then you aren’t taking on the responsibility yourself.

    You have to do that or nothing else can work. This thread might be a start. You did ask. Now you need to put the time into the many fine suggestions here.

    Don’t take them in turns and try them “to see if they work.” That’s still the main problem of assuming the answer is outside of you somewhere. Instead, take them in turns and put everything you’ve got into them. If you can do this, any of them will work.

  • There is no point to living. For every single reason someone found, someone else doesn't care about that at all. If there is a point to living, we haven't found it yet.

    That said. Try self-improvement. Read about psychology. Analyze your own mind. You might find some stuff pointing you towards something.

    For example. Why do you say "I save most of my paycheck. What for? I have no idea" and "I don’t want to travel because it costs money" just a few sentences apart? This doesn't make any sense. You save money for nothing yet you don't travel because it costs money? To me, this suggests some conditioning you're a victim of, something like just following some predefined set of rules because someone (probably parents) once said "you should be saving money" and "you should not spend money on unnecessary things". But these are just arbitrary beliefs. You don't have to follow them.

    Or. Are you afraid of something? But kinda would like to do it if it wasn't scary? Go do it. What have you got to lose? Nothing matters anyway, right?

    You might just notice if you do these two things, there is actually stuff to live for, you just haven't found it because you either had social conditioning or fear that stopped you from it.

  • I grew up poor in a semi remote Native reserve in Canada in the 1970s and 80s. The first ten years of my life my parents were still basically living off the land and most of what we ate was wild food. I didn't even have that many sweets or junk food which saved my teeth when I was young.

    Then as a teen, I had to fight and claw my way through life in order to get anything. Sure we got 'free' help for food, health care, dental, eye and education ... but it was just barely enough for me to barely get through high school. At the end of it all, I still had no prospect of making a living on my own in my own home community .. I had to leave in order to survive. Even after then, I had to fight every step of way to make a living and fight off my old community members who thought I was being 'too white' and the non-Native people who thought I wasn't 'white enough' ... it was completely messed up.

    After fighting through all that crap into adulthood, I met someone I fell in love with who wanted to do the same things I wanted to do. We didn't make that much money but we figured out how to travel to over 30 countries over 25 years. About six years ago was our last trip because we caught a virus that make us sick and cough our lungs out ... it was terrible. It took me about three months to get over it. My wife never got over it and now sits at home with chronic lung disease. It's left us at home and we can never leave again.

    The reason why I am saying all this is is that you have the world by the tail ... you've got everything. You have a job, shelter, a bit of money and you are young and capable.

    Give yourself about ten or 20 years and you will feel less and less like doing anything and then it will all be over. Once you get to a certain age, you will feel like 'hey, I think maybe I want to do something' but by then, it will be too little, too late and you won't have a choice and you will be stuck in your apartment or house or home or whereever you'll be and just sit there and wait for death. The entire time you'll be sitting there, you'll be regretting that you never did anything and that you never went out and tried just doing the bare minimum of excitement.

    I feel terrible that I can no longer do much and that I have to stay at home taking care of my wife. I love her dearly but I would much rather we both head out into the world and just go somewhere, anywhere as far as money would take us. I really never cared if where I went was warm, dry, hot, cold, wet or miserable or absolutely fantastic. Sometimes, the best part of the trip was coming back home and realizing just how wonderful and fantastic home really was compared to many places in this world.

    The only thing that doesn't make us completely miserable and regretful is that we did go out there and take in as many sights, sounds and tastes as we could afford. It was fantastic. We saw the Acropolis hill, the pyramids, Machu pichu, St Peters, the Mediterranean, buddhists temples in asia, indian landmarks, dozens of cheap motel dives in the US and Canada, the oceans on every side of North America and so much more ... all for as little money as we had.

    Now that we can't move or go anywhere any more ... we look at old photos and reminisce about every trip we ever took.

    Go out there and go as far as you can possibly go ... then when you get old and grey, you can be as sad as you want but at least you can look back on all the great things you saw.

    • I wish that there was some sort of equivalent of Reddit gold… That is a fantastic comment, with a ton of useful advice. OP cooks his own food, a better way to find new food and things you’ve never come across otherwise, is by traveling. It really does broaden the mind, gives you a better perspective on things,… But Mr. ININ, I hope the best for you. You did some awesome stuff and can’t anymore. I feel your pain.

      Op: see the world. Get the shittiest inside cabin you can on a cruise ship that goes to a bunch of different countries. Think of it like a sampler pack of that part of the world. If you see something that strikes you fancy, plan to go back. Plan all the things you want to do or see. Look on some guides online. If you don’t knowwhat to do with the money, you can’t take it with you, go do something with it.

      • Cruises are an environmental nightmare; we really should not be promoting them for any reason.

      • Cruise! ... that is one cheap way to visit a bunch of places.

        Go sign up to a website called ... wwww.vacationstogo.com .... make a basic account with an email and then look for a link in the website called '30 day ticker' - it's all last minute cruise deals. Last minute cruise deals are not the same as last minute air fare deals. Air fare deals are usually discounted a few days or even a week or two before the flight. Cruises are discounted two months or a month before departure. The vacationstogo website is a general website that lists every deal from every cruise company. You can search through cruises going to anywhere in the world.

        We stumbled on this site about ten years ago and we got on about 8 - 9 cruises in the Mediterranean. We basically used it as a glorified ferry to take us from one place to another. If you just leave your schedule open and take whatever is available you can literally cruise for almost nothing. We took several cruises to get from Spain to Italy ... 7 day cruises that cost $400 CAD ... all inclusive! It was cheaper to take the cruise and vacation for 7 days with free room and board than it was to fly to Italy and rent hotels and buy food. We once went with friends for 14 days for about $1,000 all inclusive ... that might sound like a lot but divided across 14 days that $70 a day to see 6/7 cities, all the food you want, no alcohol because we don't drink, don't bother with excursions, just go take a walk yourself, workout gym on the ship, and you get to be in giant hotel right in port in the centre of some of the most beautiful cities in the world.

        My recommendation is ... go on the Mediterrean cruises to actually see fantastic cities, food and history ... go Caribbean if all you want to is party and see poor people in third world countries ... go Asian if you want to safely see a bunch of great Asian countries.

        This is how we were able to see the pyramids in Giza. We took a random cruise to Turkey and one of the stops was Alexandria and Port Said, both ports that could take you to the Pyramids. We took the cheapest excursions on both just to see these great wonders and it was amazing.

        If you're afraid of travelling, go on a cruise. We always joked that we could just grab a cruise from Montreal, New York or Florida, cross the Atlantic on a last minute deal, then just keep taking cheap deals once we arrived on the other side and then grab more cheap deals to head home and never use a plane the entire time.

  • I can't emphasise how badly you need to travel. I'm old and very well travelled, much of it for work, like easily 20 countries all across the globe and it has been a huge eye opener to experience different cultures, foods, make friends with fellow travellers, locals and has broadened my horizons on so many fronts.

    Yes it can be expensive but it is something you will never regret if you can scramble the money together for it. Embrace it. Deeply.

    If you're in North America you can experience lots of cultures and experiences like the national parks in the US very reasonably. I'm guessing you're not in Europe because travel is cheap AF here.

    I honestly think it will bring down many of the current barriers you express.

  • Idk if you'd consider it a "hobby" (even though I'd say that has more consumerist connotations), but I'd strongly suggest finding a creative outlet. Personally I believe that there's no such thing as an "uncreative" person, it's just that most people never get the opportunity to learn a creatively rewarding skill well (and even when they do, many are left with no time/energy after work). It's a catch-22. Still, unless you want to keep being a cog in the machine you gotta sacrifice something.

    Also, art (in a general sense) is a lot better with human contact, idk what you're talking about that is "doesn't work". You gotta find like-minded people. Sometimes you're lucky and meet like-minded people by happenstance, sometimes you gotta go out of your way to find them (even if by saying it like that I still feel like I'm underplaying how hard that can be).

    A final but perhaps more important suggestion is, learn about something. Instead of binging another tv show every week, mix it up with some educational internet browsing, or books, or perhaps you enjoy videoessays more. Again, an environment where you can meet people is better, but higher education has also turned into a human grinder that spits out ready-made workers for the machine so I can't sincerely recommend it. But it could still be worth considering (depending on where you are... definitely not worth a 100k debt).

    TL:DR find ways of satisfying your inner curiosity and creativity.

  • Edit: most important part. Yes, there is a way. I am in no position to claim to know what is going to help you, but I do know this: there is another way to live. Following is what I have tried and it worked

    Been around there, it really is not a good place. Time to look inside. You only have so much time left to live, and only so much energy to do things. As to what can be done, then if possible, take a good break: quit job, buy food, then just stay home. No books, no TV, no speaking to anyone, no internet, no games, no nothing. Your mind will go wild for some time, but then you will recover and see life with more clarity

    And for the big picture - look inside. If you were to die today, what would you do? Whom would you speak to one last time? Where would you go if distance was not an issue? What do you want to be done with your dead body? (If the answer is "nothing, I don't care", I would strongly suggest go see a doctor. Depression does not just go away)

    Also, remember this every day: tomorrow morning, you may not wake up. Today you woke up, but a day will come when you don't. Remind this to yourself. Slowly this will change your perspective

    If you happen to feel like talking - message or ping me, I will answer as fast as I can

  • I have no suggestions for you, but I at least wanted to let you know that you’re not alone in this world. I hope you find whatever you are looking for.

  • There are some decent comments here overall with stuff I bet would help you. But it sounds to me like you have lost the appreciation and rewards from life and the world around you. I would wonder if you have undiagnosed anxiety.

    This isn't going to sound great probably, but the problem isn't the world around you, it's just you. The good news, 'you' is the only part of this you can fix. The rest, totally outside of your control.

    You need to retrain your brain. Slow down to appreciate the smaller things. Even the tiniest things. Read up on the raisin technique. I think raisins are kind of dumb, but apply it to everyday things. Go slow. Examine. Savor. Eat slowly. And with each bite think of the process that got that very thing into your mouth. From growing the ingredients, raising, milking, whatever. The process and storage, maybe inspection, transporting it to the store, you buying it and cooking it. The skill it took to do that and the history of you cooking to get there. It's an awful lot packed into each bite. Do that with as many bites as you can. Be mindful. Repeat it. You don't need a different thought every time. Just keep thinking it through. And apply that to more things throughout your day as you're able to. It's not an overnight process but it's much faster than you might think to regain the value, passion for things. Do this people as well. Forgo the NPC thoughts, and delve in. How they got to be who they are. Ask questions over time and build a mental roadmap.

    That's pretty much it. I could have easily written your post word for word a decade ago. With therapy and general learning, fighting anhedonia was a process. And still is. But I do appreciate things and I look forward to things. I often look forward the most to me not being me tomorrow but a slightly better version of me.

  • I feel you, I get like this sometimes as well, it's what we call "getting in a rut". When I become self-aware of the situation, I just treat myself to something, could be a new keyboard, or PC part, or maybe it's just going out with friends for a few drinks.

    This tends to at least put me on the path to climbing my way back out of it

  • Gym, Meditate, Therapy, Volunteer, Meetup, Hobbies. Any combination of these, at least 2.

    Accumulating money doesn't count as character building nor living. Spend money wisely, but do spend it. Wisely is subjective, but see above for what I think that means in this context. Good luck.

    Edit: wording.

  • Sounds like you are dealing with an existential issue. Personally I've dealt with this by learning and teaching others, through this I feel I have found purpose. I also find it through political activism and volunteer work. There is nothing as fulfilling as helping others just because you want to and can.

102 comments