Texas Prevents People From Owning More Than 6 Dildos. Now Lawmakers Want to Ban Sex Toys at Walmart.
Texas is the land where regulation is always second, or so they say. However, it’s also a state where politicians have chosen to regulate oddly specific...
Is there a limit on total footage? Does a double ended dildo count as two? Is a Christmas tree of dicks ok since it's more than 6, but is Christian?
Christmas tree dildos you say?
I dunno, are the Christmas tree dicks circumcised?
I assume a menorah of dildos is out.
Yay! More small government and freedom!
Small government (for businesses) and freedom (to be a certain type of Christian)
Small enough to fit in your underwear drawer!
Once again, SO glad to have left that shithole state after 42 years there.
The great Republican war on orgasms have begun.
They've been stopping orgasms from happening for a long time.
Begun? Texas has always had a war on dildos.
Yet, they keep voting for one as governor. 🤔
I don't know how to make a quote line but this one stood out to me and made me laugh.
"Parents do not consent to their children being exposed to obscene devices while shopping for toothpaste."
What stores sell toothpaste next to adult toys?
My local supermarket has sex toys on upper shelves in the family planning section, which is in the healthcare department. They don't look like dongs, so people shouldn't recognize what they are unless they know about them already. But kids might still ask their parents what that is on the shelf, and that is apparently worse than school shootings.
Yeah but have you considered that vibrators are very likely causing school shootings?
Vibrator goes brrrrrrr
Gun goes brrrrrr
Do you see the pattern?
The Meijer I shop at regularly has vibrators in the same aisle as toothpaste, might be the next aisle over but they're real close to each other.
I’m guessing that part is performative. I doubt there are dildos for sale at Walmart.
Maybe they were talking about those vibrating obscene electric toothbrushes
Funny how they use the word "consent" here that is usually used by progressive people to advocate for safe sex. This is surely done on purpose. To make it sound like seeing dildos in the store is something close to sexual harassment.
Funnily enough, they frame it as sexual harassment against the adults. As in "now I have to explain my child about sex toys". And completely ignore the children's perspective. If there was any risk in seeing sex toys, the children would be much more prone to getting "damaged", as they are children. But since when do "conservatives" even care about the health and safety of children?
The parents should be very well able to deal with seeing sex toys. They are adults after all.
The children will not care about just seeing the sex toys. The biggest risk is that the parents scare them with a bad explanation, and then when they get older they will be scared of sex or think they need to do some things they don't want to.
Conservatives have no qualm engaging in behaviors that they criticize in others. If they think something will let them get their way they will use it, regardless of double standards or hypocrisy.
That quote reminded me of this funny commercial https://youtu.be/_hgN4Fqulmw
What stores sell toothpaste next to adult toys?
I get why they would ban that. Texans might think toothpaste was lube for the dildo.
Government so small it can fit in your bedroom!
How were they enforcing this?
It's just a tack on when they do search warrants.. oh we did not find any drugs but we found 7 dildos.. Off to prison!
That's not a dildo, it's a stirring stick.
They'll know I'm breaking the law, because I'll be flying my custom gadsen flag with 7 dildoes on it that reads "Come and count them"
That just lets people know you have dildos to steal
Yes. Texas bans the possession of or promoting use of more than six dildos.
It does make exceptions for people who have the multiples of the device for medical and law enforcement purposes.
Lmao. Police officers can legally use an array of didos for 'law enforcement'.
You'll be arrested if you cheer them on for it tho...
BUT if you can prove it's medically necessary; you're welcome to have a cornucopia of rubber cocks.
I think the DOJ needs to investigate how exactly the police in Texas have been using dildos in the performance of their duties...
"Come out with your hands up or we send in the dildos!"
Suddenly the kidnappers realised they'd brought guns to a dildo fight and surrendered.
They need to keep them on hand in case they find one and need to plant 6 more.
I have loose bowels, I need 7 dildos to plug it and stop my anal leakage.
UHC denied my claim for my medically necessary dildo.
Is there a shortage of dildos in Texas that they need such laws to stop hoarding?
There is decidedly not a shortage of dildos in Texas.
Have you seen their politicians?
those are just plain ol' dicks
trying to buy salad ingredients for the family cookout*
The cashier: sorry state prevents us from selling more than 5 cucumbers at a time.
Why are so many people using them in Walmart?
People like to sample the produce as they shop, granted it's usually a bag of crisps or a handful of grapes but it's the same... ballpark.
Long queues, nothing else to do…..
I usually munch on a crisp refreshing onion while shopping.
Makes sense to me.
How...how are they enforcing this?
Its something to charge you with when the cops go on a fishing expedition at your house for weed or whatever else.
Its just a punishment law that cops get to use at their discretion totally fairly.
At least they can fuck themselves while they're at it I guess
Wouldn't surprise me if they treat toys like Sudafed. Gotta flash your ID to buy one.
I’m guessing they are not limiting the number of guns you can own though.
Ever bring a dildo to a gun fight?
No, but there was the time someone brought a dildo wielding drone to a campaign event and attacked the Bernallio county Sheriff with a “dongcopter.”
yea that'd be a rookie mistake
As the 2015 New Zealand horror classic Deathgasm demonstrated, when you’re fresh out of guns, dildos are quite effective bludgeoning weapons against demon-possessed zombies.
This has very strong “If I can’t make my wife come, nobody will cum come!” vibes.
I think it’s got religious overtones. One per day except the sabbath, when you have to leave your holes free for God to enter. Like Mary did.
Didn't cheat on her husband at all
The One Star State is at it again. "Freedom" there is not really a thing since the government obviously owns the citizens.
There are definitely some Texas billionaires that own more than six politicians.
Will United Healthcare cover dildos if they are for medicinal purposes?
I am told Vibrators were invented to combat female hysteria.
These early vibrators became popular among the medical profession and were used for treating a wide variety of ailments in women and men including hysteria, arthritis, constipation, amenorrhea, inflammations, and tumors;
ROFL I need 6 because of... uh.... constipation!
Sounds like the government wants to hoard most of the dildos to go fuck themselves. 🍆
Snorted and almost choked on my coffee when I scrolled past this.
The worst part about this is that I'd rather Republicans waste time with pointless legislation such as this rather than something damaging that they could actually enforce.
Oh don't worry. They'll get around to doing that as well.
First, they came for the dildos, and I did nothing.
They came for the dildos….. and BOY did they came!!!
Because I was not a dildo
Neo-puritanism needs to die. I'm getting excited because I think humanity is just generally getting fed up with control. We're done with this shit.
At least none of these people should be violent. They can have their views. But law is always violent. So it has no business being an extension of anyone's sexual views. If you violently impose your sexual perspective on others you are as good as a rapist in my book.
I'm getting excited because I think humanity is just generally getting fed up with control.
Only 33% of the US voting population actually voted against Trump who ran on a platform of control. You might be putting too much faith in the general population.
So I know what you mean and I agree, but there are plenty of sexual things that we would want outlawed because of our sexual perspective. Things like rape, sexual assault, pedophilia, etc etc.
The difference between our sexual perspectives and theirs is that we draw the line at harm or lack of consent, they draw the line at disgust.
So... are there like, auditors? Does the government pay someone to go around and inventory peoples' sex toys? Do you have to register your devices? Are they serialized? Do you have to report them on your state tax return?
Who are these people whackjobs that spend so much time thinking about what other people are doing in their bedrooms?
If you want an example of what enforcement of this looks like, take a look at Iran's morality police. That is the end game for these kinds of laws.
Look, I have SIX perfectly fine dildos, all in their individual velvet pouches. My grandma even gives me a knowing wink when she sees them on my nightstand (she's very with-it, my grandma). But the minute I walk into Walmart and snag NUMBER SEVEN - BAM! 💥 The world implodes. Little Timmy starts twerking in the cereal aisle, the self-checkout beeps incessantly with unholy vibrations, and a rogue bag of gummy worms spontaneously transforms into a life-size silicone replica of the Lone Star State... it's CHAOS, I tell ya! This clearly-reasonable six-dildo limit is PROTECTING our precious Texas innocence. Seven just unleashes the primal urges, and nobody wants that, especially not while picking out a new can of Copenhagen. 🤠
#SixIsTheMagicNumber #TexasStrong #ProtectTheInnocence (and the Gummy Worms)
The solution is clearly to set up sex toy libraries.
...They would never interfere with libraries, right?
What about a service where you could rent sex toys through the mail? They would never interfere with mail delivery, right?
I would never have thought to go to walmart to buy a sex toy if I hadn't seen them somewhat prominently displayed on my way towards the vitamin aisle.
Don't most people just buy them online anyway? How the fuck would they even enforce this? The whole thing is a joke.
They're criminalizing things more likely to be owned by people they're trying to cleanse. Maybe cops show up and find you've exceeded your government allotted sex toy limit... would you lose your job? Your kids? Do you even call the cops? Do you hide the dildos in a gun safe and leave the guns out, to make the cops happy?
It's more of an excuse to pile more charges onto the types of people they don't like.
While already in the house to investigate something (real or made up) it gives them an excuse to look through their underwear trying to find excuses to charge them.
Besides banning the sale of sex toys, the Texas Obscenity Statute also specified the number of “obscene devices”—for example, dildos—a person could own: six. The number was not chosen at random, but rather because lawmakers assumed that people who owned more than six obscene devices that were identical or similar had the intent to distribute them.
Theoretically, it should be possible to have more than six obscene devices without by guilty of intending to supply them - cock ring, butt plug, fleshlight, dildo, strap-on, inflatable sheep, Ben Wa balls, nipple clamps and penis cage. All have different uses, all without intending to supply.
If supply was the concern (although I don't know why), perhaps criminalise that not the bottom drawer of my bedside table.
Fine. I'm a defender of gun rights. No more than six or you intend to distribute. Let's rock.
If supply was the concern (although I don’t kmoe why)
There is no crime in America greater than unapproved economic activity.
Ironic, since unrestricted economic activity is the foundation of Adam Smith's capitalism.
Ah so it’s basically like with drugs. Once you have more than a personal amount it’s possession with intent to distribute.
A personal amount is limited to one light evening alone as well.
Also ear plugs.
This is disrespectful to George Washington the founder of America who was mostly Dicks.
I heard that motherfucker had like... 30 god-damned dicks.
I heard he was six foot eight and weighed a fucking ton.
Link for the uninitiated - https://youtu.be/qv6OOuPI5c0
I think you're referring to the wooden dildos he stuffed his mouth with. Back then, there was no such thing as silicone.
Ted Cruz ran out and is trying to hoard them all for himself.
Ran out? Does he know they are supposed to come out as well as go in?
As a non-carbon based extraterrestrial lizard alien, he consumes the soft supple rubber that many dildos are made of as a form of sustenance.
He is a dildo after all
So its now illegal to have more than 6 bananas in your home in Texas?
Sigh, this is gonna be an awkward call to mom..
She'll say "thanks a bunch" and get on with her day.
What if it was a dildo-gun?
What part of 'shall not be infringed ' do you not understand!? 🤣
Gun with an erogenous handle?
Need to make a proposal to limit cross walls to a maximum of 6 crosses.
IANAL, but this law is (probably) not currently enforceable due to (among others) Lawrence v. Texas.
However, that was explicitly named as being on the chopping block, so at best it's "not enforceable yet"
You said "anal". Heh!
This doesn't effect me, I don't shop at Walmart or have more than six holes.
Arguably, if you also count holes in your head, you should get to 7 even as a guy:
Did I forget any?
Actually, do ear plugs count as dildos too? I think you can buy them in boxes of 10 usually. That seems kinda much under this new law.
I find your erasure of burn victims and other with atypical anatomy very ableist.
I also never claimed to be human.
And belly buttons.
Let me introduce you to the all new Belly Button Plug, to get you to seven.
And yet they have such unearned pride as a bastion of freedumb.
Don’t want to start WWIII but even I and my fifty buttplugs were surprised to hear that WALMART was selling sex toys.
They're basically just disposable bullet style vibrators.
Disposable for when you get post nut clarity?
Wandering in Wallmart, you see the nice cheap disposable dildos and you remember that article you read about how overwhelming prostate orgasms and your curiosity gets the better of you and in the trolley it goes next to the ready meals, the grab bag of doritos and the six pack of beer. You're ready for the weekend.
Saturday evening rolls into night time and there's nothing on any of the channels. You watch a couple of instructional videos and then it's experimentation time.
Well, it's all quite mind blowing but you're really not sure that that was it, and now you have a dildo you don't want to look at so it goes in the bin and you're back to square one.
Five weeks later you're in Walmart looking for some ready meals and a six pack of beer for the weekend, and something catches your eye above the toothbrushes. Here we are again. The disposable dildos. Maybe you'll catch the wave this time. One more try, maybe?
Hairbrush and shampoo bottle sales about to go through the roof.
shampoo bottle
If you get caught, just say its The Salad Mixxxer.
The new top post in this community. I hope everyone is proud of themselves. I know I am.
I feel honored and touched.
But enough about your personal life...
Oh, I am just cleaningholding all those for a friend.
Like a car, they need to go for a ride every now and then, else they break.
For a friend, of course.
Someone needs to make a Swiss army dildo.
That still only counts as one!
Well fuck me, I give up!
For those curious to read the penile penal code see 43.23(f): https://statutes.capitol.texas.gov/Docs/PE/htm/PE.43.htm#43.23
That's interesting:
(f) A person who possesses six or more obscene devices or identical or similar obscene articles is presumed to possess them with intent to promote the same.
So it's not just 6 obscene devices, you could have two Rampant Rabbits and break the law. I assume a double-ended dildo counts as one obscene device unless they can be disengaged to make two identical ones.
"Obscene devices" is rather a loose term too. The kinky are likely to have quite a few knocking about but for personal use only.
They define them in 43.21(7), albeit, still quite loosely:
(7) "Obscene device" means a device including a dildo or artificial vagina, designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs.
So maybe a devices like the magic wand is in the clear since it's marketed as a massager. I wonder if a vibrator could simply be repackaged and marketed as a massager, as well.
For the double, if it counts as two when split it'd be illegal because two identical devices
Texas is weird.
They'll have to come and take them from my cold dead pu-... wait..
Great, now where am I gonna find BestValue dildos
To Target we go!
The lawmakers are afraid of the competition
Policemen Josh and Wade showing up to a party:
Josh: "Alright Wade, let's make sure there are not more than 6 erections in there."
Rules for thee but not for me, eh Sen. Cruz?
Pretty sure you can’t be married more than 6 times either. Coincidence? I think not!
So how exes do they enforce this? Random dildo count inspectors? Dildo registration?
Dildo inspector at work:
Well for butt plugs you have:
Roflmfao!!!!!!
Guilty as charged!
Imagining muffled cackles from a chamber of dildos
I'm gonna buy a new one tomorrow for shits and giggles. 🤪
Texas is ran by dildos so this is really just thinly veiled self preservation at this point
At first I was like "barbaric", but then I thought to myself that 6 dildos per person sounds abundant. I've decided to believe that they were about to fight an owner of 7 dildos and implemented that ban to reduce their power. Like "there are 7 of us and you have only 6 dildos what are you going to do" because the 7th dildo would be illegal.
And yes I know that the grounds of this ban are absurd and barbaric, I do wish hunger and pestilence upon those who voted it in, it's just that any discussion regarding it had to be hilarious. What are they trying to prevent by restricting the access to 7th dildo, gang wars?
It's virtue signaling. It implies that anyone who would use a dildo (gays, immoral women who actually enjoy sex) are Godless degenerates that need to be controlled by the state before they go on a rampage through town with all of their dildos!
Or rather, anyone who would use 7 dildos - lets not bundle up with those degenerates the God loving Christians that fight to protect the purity and sanctity of Gods children that do happen to rail themselves with 6 dildos every night. I'd love to know what kind of science they used to calculate that 6 is fine in the eyes of their maker. If you strip away the context of those ghouls pushing slowly and successfuly for eradication of your personal freedom, and just look at the depicted scene as is, it's pretty wacky.
This Handmaid's Tale prequel both sucks and blows. Luckily one obscene device will do both.
I was so fucking confused I kept seeing Tesla instead of Texas