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you mentioned islam in another comment, and i know very little about the rules related to this marital situation in context so please forgive some potential assumptions/ignorance and i’d be delighted to be corrected on any points im assuming incorrectly here:
i assume that it’s 1 husband 4 wives, but that the wives aren’t allowed 4 husbands… in this case, it seems asymmetric in terms of, almost value between genders i guess?
i’m a gay man, and we often have polyamorous relationships, but in that case it’s very symmetric: anyone can have a relationship with anyone, so everyone is entitled to the same kinds of things
i’m wondering how that makes you feel as a women? you’ve said you’re very happy with the arrangement - i guess i’m wondering how you square the difference in entitlements? both for yourself, and in the relationship
*edit: also interested in how the relationship handles him wanting a new wife: how (if?) that’s negatiated, and i guess whether you find your experience with that to be typical among people you know
I wouldn't say in terms of value between genders, more as different roles and expectations for each gender. Men and women can't be symmetric because they're different - you can't make a one on one comparison between 2 separate things, it's like apples and oranges. For example, I don't have to work unless I want to, a privilege which a man doesn't have in Islam. Islamically my only responsibilities are taking care of my husband, house and family. The husband's job is to make the wife's job as easy and pleasant as possible, which is why household staff is so popular here in the Gulf. Many wives don't even have to clean or cook. I much prefer the role of a woman than that of a man, I can't imagine having so many people dependent on you. The responsibility, burden is heavy. So that's the answer to how it makes me feel. In Islam when you get married you sign a marriage contract (nikah, the ceremony is called melcha here). In the marriage contract you can (and should) write all of your wants, needs, expectations, etc. to the most trivial things such as how many vacations you want per year. You can't outright specify in the contract that the husband can't take another wife, as that's his Islamic right as a man, but you can state that he can't take one without your consent (as the first wife). If you don't specify anything it's taken as your implicit consent. How it works all depends on the couple and the man. Some take wives without even telling their 1st wife, others (such as my husband) discuss it with her, ask for permission, has the 2nd wife meet her, etc. The Islamic rule about multiple wives is that all drama should be avoided and it should be peaceful.