Most people aren't attracted to an entire gender so why do we frame attraction in those terms so much?
Most people aren't attracted to an entire gender so why do we frame attraction in those terms so much?
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I'm fundamentally attracted to women and turned off by men. It's the simplest way to describe my sexual orientation. The fact that I'm not attracted to all women doesn't change that.
Been sexually active, with many partners, for almost 40-years and this lines up with my experiences. The vast majority of us are solidly heterosexual, a small percentage homosexual and a tiny percentage bisexual or anything else.
Lemmy's general take is that we're all on a mushy spectrum. Well, yeah, the spectrum certainly exists, but almost all of us fall hard to one side or the other.
My theory is this, it's because of the younger demographics around here and society's new openness. I'm exactly as you, but when I was younger, and had sexuality been as openly discussed as now, there were years when I might have identified as having a touch of homosexuality or even trans in me.
Grew up playing with the girls because I wasn't much into "boy" stuff. Never been worried that I'd be judged for wearing feminine clothes, and to this day I wear women's outwear because it's cut for my skinny ass. Had a few homosexual fantasies in my teens, but I would never have been turned on, even a little, in a real life situation. LOL, said many times, "I should have been born a woman." But I now understand, having feminine traits and likes in no way speaks to my sexuality.
Add to all that the fact that teens are casting about trying to learn about themselves. Identifying as a member of the LGBT group says, "I'm different! I'm not like you haters!" I would have done it, even though in retrospect it wasn't remotely true. Support them, please, but odds are strongly against being an actual member.
Another interesting experience, and I have no idea what this says about me: My gaydar is, and always has been, broken. Y'all would laugh at how clueless I can be. Guess I simply never cared about other's sexuality?
Ironically, I expect this post to get blasted with misunderstandings from the very people screaming that we need to better understand one another.
Ironically, I expect this post to get blasted with misunderstandings from the very people screaming that we need to better understand one another.
Refreshingly, that doesn't seem to have happened yet.
I was sorta expecting comments that I'm closeted and ignorant of my own sexuality. Very happy not to be catching that!
Well, yeah, the spectrum certainly exists, but almost all of us fall hard to one side or the other.
I've heard it described as a bimodal distribution. Bisexuality seems pretty common though. Statistics say it's more common for women to identify as bisexual than lesbian. The majority of women I've dated have been bisexual, but with a preference for men. Most non-straight men I've known have been fully homosexual. Personally, I'm straight. I've always had a hard time trying to figure out what a conventionally attractive man was (mostly to make myself more attractive), and still sometimes get surprised when someone describes a particular man as attractive. I find most women physically attractive, at least in certain ways (though I have certain preferences, of course). Personality seems to be what makes or breaks the attraction for me.
For what it’s worth I think most of your theory is correct.
That doesn't resolve the question though. What does it mean to be "fundamentally attracted to women" if you're not actually attracted to most women?
I'm attracted to femininity, first and foremost. Femininity is a requirement, and it's not flexible. But then there are other more flexible preferences about specific appearance or personality details I might like in a woman.