Bidet anyone?

When people think a bidet is stupid, I always ask: If you had poop on your arm, would you clean it with water or just wipe it with a dry towel and call it a day?
Not to mention it's less irritating for ur bum
- lick it off like a cat
  
  If only
- This question shows that people can have differing standards of cleanliness and it's OK. Because the answer is "would you spray your arm with water only or would you use soap?" Bidets don't use soap, so with either bidet or paper you can still feel dirty until a shower, it's just what level of dirty you're willing to accept.
  
  Bidets don’t use soap? Well, I use soap on every use, what kind of bidet instructions do you follow up? Sponge and hands, a bidet is like a mini shower in your groins without a full body implication, is just a washbasin at a convenient height… don’t you wash your hands and your face in the morning with soap in the washbasin?
  EDIT: Probably we imply different things for “bidet”, I got South European one in mind…
  
  Fallacy of relative privation. Red herring. Some other fallacy maybe. But a fallacy none the less.
  Also, people with bidets still take showers so we may not use soap all the time but they we still do. A guy I used to play football with would never use a bidet nor wash his ass with soap cause a man's finger near an ass is gay even if it's his ass and finger
  Either way you're being a jerk
- Hey, fellow Spuds fan. I have a similar one but it's: "If you smeared peanut butter on the outside of a watermelon but wiped it off with dry toilet paper, wouldn't you expect it to still smell like peanut butter?
  
  Hwat
  
  Honestly, I feel like they're both gonna smell like peanut butter about the same
  Especially if you do that with a potato instead of a watermelon
- Honestly I'd say wiping my arm with a bunch of paper towels is about the same as spraying it down with a garden hose. I feel like people who say otherwise have never actually tried to rinse something off their body with just water pressure and no scrubbing.
  I still plan to get a bidet because it's less irritating as you said.
- Loudermilk had an episode on this.
- You still have to wipe though, right? Using just water to clean it off your arm would still leave a stain. You have to make contact to rub away what remains somehow.
  I've used a few bidets and while it was fun and they did an ok job there was no soap involved and I still had to wipe. I don't hate them, they make some sense, but a bidet is not magic.
  
  I’ve used a bidet for a decade and the only reason I have to wipe is to dry off
  
  If the pressure is right u should be able to get everything, but yeah even then you need to dry it.
  
  No. If you are using a decent bidet and using it correctly, you do not need to wipe. At most you'll need to dab dry, but some models have blow driers so this isn't necessary. The water is the friction you need unless your bidet has weak pressure or the stream is too dispersed.
  Soap would always be better, but water alone is vastly superior and a complete replacement for wiping so long as something isn't wrong with the setup.
  
  You still have to wipe though, right?
  Yes, of course.
- This is a trap, literally none of you want to hear why bidets are disgusting and I will not be dragged into this again.
  Fuck bidets and everyone who recommends them.
  
  Wrong.
  
  what? I like them but I'm happy to hear your arguments if you would articulate them.
  "You're wrong I'm right but I won't tell you why" is the opposite of a useful comment

Three seashells and a poop knife was good enough for my pappy and my grandpappy and his pappy before him, and it’s damn well good enough for me & my sons.
- I wish I could upvote this twice.
  
  Gifting mine in your name, I got your back.

Wouldn't recommend. I bought a Kärcher brand one some time ago, it had too much pressure. Got my butt cleaned to the bone though.
Edit: I appreciate the advice about pressure, but folks, I was joking about power washers 😆
- I come for the clean bum. I stay for the surprise enema.
- My bidet BLASTS my bits and I love it. I’m ALWAYS bits-clean.
- You need to use the valve to adjust the pressure. They're also not all the same.
- I like a diesel-fired Hotsy, myself.
- Extra pressure seems to have done wonders for Wim Hof.
- To the bone, you say?
  
  Yeah... I probably should have watched some reviews before buying this.
  
  And his wife?
- I have the same, cleaned my tonsils a treat at the same time.
- There are pressure and temperature regulators you’re supposed to attach with them so that you can have control over both
  Edit in case you’re interested, it’s called a bidet mixing valve, and you can control temp and pressure with a single accessory which you attach to your existing plumbing. The controls for the adjustments are kept outside of the wall and look like any regular shower control for temp. They sell them in any number of stylings and finishes
- In finland they are adjusted by the tap so you can have appropriate temp./pressure.

Such a huge difference in cleanliness when using these.
- Everytime I travel I wonder how the godless savages live like this
  
  A lot of middle eastern countries have these at hotels.
  
  You can buy portable bidets! Been a game changer for travel

Bidets fuck hard.

Shat as far as what now?

Sorry. You are all primitive peoples if not using a toto.
- i mean if your bidet doesn’t even have wifi what are you doing with your life
  
  Mine auto-tweets which number and the health profile of what I did and even switches between accounts based upon who is using it. Biometric scanning and mass data collection is used to match you with the correct account. If you don't have one, it registers new users without an account. Obviously filters out those under 13 as they don't meet the terms of service.
  When you flush it also plays a recording of a random tweet from our Lord and Savior Elon's account in his voice.
  Edit: Can't wait for my Cyber Truck to arrive so I can connect it and activate the feature where it honks my truck's horn every time I flush.
- I don't have an outlet next to my toilet. I would love to add them though but I'm gonna need an electrician
  
  Can sometimes drop one pretty easily from ceiling vent van or light switch. If not, yeah electrician might be needed. Make it a gift to yourself if you are able. It's one of those decisions there's no way you are going to regret.

I highly recommend the rinseworks bidet. It is designed much better than the one from the pic. You don't have to shove your entire hand in the toilet to use it. https://rinseworks.com/

Yes, and if you don't have this, use one of these
- Until it gets banned because obviously we love to keep le poop on our bums, hon hon hon.

I'd love to buy a bidet. I just can't afford it.
- $20 for a bolt on unit that fits on your seat, even cheaper for a bum gun. Live your dreams
  
  Bum gun now for 20 years after visiting SE Asia decades ago and relealising smearing shit around your ass with paper really was just fucking weird
  DIY install for about $20 and no TP.
  
  a bum gun, lmao
  
  Sadly, I still can't afford that.
  What can I say? I am a broke-ass bitch. Lol.
- There's tops you can buy really cheap that you can put in a bottle and have a very cheap bidet. I think for many people it's a struggle to change their mind that this is also OK and it doesn't have to cost thousands of $$$

Using mine rn

Galorta squad represent!

I grew up in a Muslim country and I hate these. They are always either too strong or too weak. And they somehow always leak (no idea why).
Wet wipes ftw.
- Just remember that there is no such thing as a flushable wet wipe. Even the ones that say they are.
  
  Exactly, that's what the little bin next to the toilet is for.
  
  Afaik, this is false. There actually are flushable wet wipes that dissolve in water just like regular TP, but a little slower. Just make sure to check it for yourself and don't rely on what the packaging says.
- All I hear is skill issue
- They are just bad quality then
- You were right, it’s for your ass. No clue what they were talking about.
  Usually they have a gauge that handles pressure, so if it hydroblasted you then start a bit lower.
- As long as you keep them out of the sewer.
- I think this can work as well...

Thanks. That's a reasonable review. I hate that people claim bidets to be magic.
- If you had poop on your arm, would you clean it with water or just wipe it with a dry towel and call it a day?
  
  Would you only use water or would you also wipe it, use soap as well?
  
  Would you lick it off or let the sun bake it until it's a hard crust and crumbles off

I know Europe loves to shit all over the US on this topic.
Unless I'm sick, well over 95% of my poops take place immediately before I shower. I don't really see how this is any different.
- it sounds like you understand the value of using water to clean your butthole after you poop.. so why not spend the $30 on a bidet just in case you ever do have a poop and don't want to shower? or hell just so you don't use as much TP before hopping in the shower. or for anyone else using your toilet and not wanting to hop in the shower..
- So basically everytime you take a poop you have to shower..
  You mean to tell me that you rather wash your whole body every single day once or twice wether it's summer or winter wether you left the house to do any activity or stayed at home all of this commitment just so you don't give in and use a bidet. God Americans y'all are so special.
  
  I mean to tell you that I'm that regular. Once in the morning and I'm done until tomorrow.
  And yes, I wash my body every single day. Are you telling me the paragon of asshole cleanliness that is Europeans doesn't?
  God Europeans are so eager so shit on all of us. Is it the orange monkey we elected? Is that what did it?

like walking on others poop/butt water is so civilized. wet wipes are the way to go.