No, JD Vance did not have sex with a couch
No, JD Vance did not have sex with a couch
apnews.com
No, JD Vance did not have sex with a couch
48 comments
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No, JD Vance did not have sex with a couch
Sounds like something some one who had sex with a couch would say.
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Title is misleading. A better title would be, “No JD Vance did not write about having sex with a couch in his memoir.”
For all we know, he may have fucked a plethora of furniture that did not make it into his memoir.
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No, JD Vance did not fuck a couch.
A couch fucked JD Vance. There's not a chance in hell he's the pitcher.
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🤣
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Headlines from our current era that would totally baffle people just 10/20/30 years ago.
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Naw. They’ve already come across rule 34.
They’ll just assume we’re freaks, like everyone else
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A searchable PDF of the memoir includes 10 mentions of the word “couch” or “couches,” ...But at no point in his memoir does Vance write about performing sex acts on a couch
AP: "We're not actually reading that garbage but Ctrl+F find nothing."
An Associated Press reporter reviewed pages 179 to 181 in a physical copy
"Ok,we read 3 pages."
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“AP… did you eat your vegetables?”
“Oh? Oh Really? Well how many did you eat?”
“No. I mean eat. Not just pushed around the plate…”
“That’s it. No more couch fuckin’ til you’ve finished your corn!”
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Whoever Harris picks for veep, I'd like to see an ad of them saying "I believe JD Vance when he says he never had sex with his couch."
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I don't think it was even his, he apparently did it in a store...
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Because it was actually a loveseat.
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True is it was a futon... But since futons can "transform" JD could never admit to sleeping with something "trans"
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You win the internet today 1000%.
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This is so fucking funny.
When the main discourse around your new running mate is whether or not he fucked a couch, you did not pick a strong candidate. Trumps gotta be pissed.
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People are saying he did have sex with a couch.
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When you have to explain it...
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Are you sure? Lots of people are saying he did. Lots.
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I think you have to write "JD Vance did not have sex with a couch once" or else it's potentially libel.
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Hey, we're just asking questions.
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My wife told me that story and I instantly went "That sounds fake, why would he admit that in a book?"
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It wouldn’t have been the weirdest confession in a book.
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I heard it was non consensual.
check the cushions for eye liner.
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Is that a codeword for Peter Thiel?
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I believe the preferred nomenclature is couch botherer
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Couch roommate.
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Step-couch what are you doing?
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I mean can anyone prove he didn't or hasn't?
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This story did not go through our standard editing process and has been removed.
It seems AP are cowards. They've removed the article.
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They probably received a damning statement from the couch.
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No it's funnier - they factually don't know if he did or not. They can, however, factually claim that he didn't write it in his book.
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Devon Nunez cow had to get involved.
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He's a couchfucker
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Eh, whether he wrote about it in his book or not he totally has the look of a couch humper. I would also guess he likes to pee in the bathtub. I mean just look at him.
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Everyone keeps saying JD fucked the couch but I know the true story... JD got raw dogged by the couch. Let's just say, calling him a tight ass is no longer literal.
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Not within the last five years, anyway.
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Maybe not, but it's out there apparently and the Internet is fueled by <60 second attention spans.
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Reminds me that Zelensky's initial cause of popularity (the one that got him in the show casting him as the president of Ukraine) was from a 'Ukraine's got talent' like show where he played the piano with his penis.
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Bro he made the cushion look like the left side of that flag.
48 comments