8mo ago

I genuinely feel like I wouldn't live that differently even if I suddenly became ultra-wealthy. Am I kidding myself?

Of course, I'd do all the obvious things, such as getting a bigger house, a newer car, and quitting work, but beyond that, I have no interest in an extravagant lifestyle—or at least that's what I tell myself.

By a bigger house, I mean one typical of upper-middle-class living. I've watched plenty of videos of people touring million-dollar mansions, and they all look too big, open, and sterile to me. I've seen cozier tiny homes than those. And by a newer car, I mean a 2017 model or so instead of the 2007 one I drive now.

Really, give me a nice cottage by the lake with some land and a big garage for all my tools and toys, and I'm all set. I much prefer the idea of "hidden wealth" over showing it off. I'm just kind of worried that I wouldn't be able to live up to my own expectations if push comes to shove, and there's really no way of testing that. Am I just kidding myself here?

I feel the same way about fame. Many people aspire to become successful YouTubers or such, but the idea of people recognizing me on the street sounds awful.

66 comments

If you're not a wage slave and have a bigger home, think of all the hobbies and interests you can pursue, new things to learn, time to meet people and space to host them, charity work... And you have the energy for things that a job would drain from you otherwise. I think life would be drastically different.
- This sounds like retirement.
  Source: am retired
  
  Yeah, about that… a lot of people in the Millennial and Gen z generations may not be able to ever retire.

I honestly think most people would do what you think you would do: Just reinforce what makes you happy and remove stressors.
We just notice more the ones who believe happiness is showing off how big they are.
In addition to what you listed I think you'd probably travel more and consider hiring people to do regular house cleaning and garden maintenance.

I think most people who come into money probably say the same thing, but I think it probably depends on a few factors, sociability and impulsivity probably being up there. I think as your standard of living rises, it’s just going to change most people who aren’t well-grounded. Some people blow it all at once, wanting the money to change them because they weren’t happy with their life before, others change over time, but both are changed just from the experience of not having to deal with the anxiety of “survival” anymore.
When you’re not worried about making your rent/mortgage or getting all your bills paid each month, that’s just naturally going to free you up to think about other things. When barriers to life dissolve away like that, you stop having reasons to not do things what you feel like doing. “I’ve always wanted to see London/France/underpants, I should just do it,” or “I could get a nice entertainment system in the living room… and my bedroom… and the bathroom…” At some point, your standard of living is so far removed from “normal” people, that “it” has already happened, money changed you.
- Money doesn’t change, it enables.

If you did get a seriously large lump of cash… after a settling in period a lot of changes will happen, and you will be happy they did (IMHO).
The reason is that one of the biggest gifts that wealth gives you is TIME. A lot of the day to day crap that the rest of us need to deal with just evaporates. No need to shop (there are people for that). Want to travel… people will organise everything. There will be no waiting in lines at airports, at restaurants, at government offices… there are people for that. Someone to clean, someone to pick up the kids (unless you want to of course), someone to cook, holidays on a fuck-off huge yacht with crew to manage everything, or just to zip to Paris for the weekend.
You will probably really appreciate not having to deal with most of that crap. Also, while you probably don’t want a stupid large house, you do want privacy and so will want to get a house on 1000 acres in a gorgeous landscape (plus perhaps apartments in various cities that you like).
Imagine moving from a food insecure lifestyle to a secure lifestyle where food, safety, housing is always there. Would you want to keep your old food-insecure lifestyle? No. Same with going from a food secure lifestyle to a time-and-resource abundant lifestyle.

I know a guy who's worth over 10 and probably closer to $50 million. He still lives in the same house that he did when he graduated university. He drives a 10-year-old car and his son who is one of my best friends drives the car that he had before that as a handme down.
Some people flaunt it. Some people build it quietly.
This gentleman that I know has bought both of his son's houses cash so they have no mortgages. He owns a million dollar cottage on a beautiful Lake and another property on the panhandle in Florida. You would think that he's on social security though if you just saw him bumbling about his yard.
- People don't really comprehend what being wealthy is like. We imagine the high-rollers table in Vegas, or sailing a yacht in some Caribbean paradise.
  Usually it just means being able to fix your car when it needs repairs. It means taking a vacation and splurging on dinner out without going into a lot of debt. It means hiring landscapers and house cleaners to do the upkeep that two-income families don't have time to do. It means having kids without going completely bankrupt.
  It's actually kind of sad that these things are not possible anymore if you aren't rich.
  
  That's not wealthy though. That's maybe well to do or upper middle class.
  Wealthy is your children not having a mortgage and also having a trust fund.

It depends on how much money it is, and whether you keep it all.
If the amount were, say, less than 10 million, you'd probably do exactly what you say. If the amount were more but you gave a bunch away to have around 10 mil or less, same thing.
If the amount is billions and you keep it all for yourself, that's when it starts doing things to you. In order to keep that for yourself, you have to justify it internally--why is it you deserve this money while others are struggling? The only way to justify it is to demonize the poor--believing that poverty is a moral failing, or otherwise believing that you're better than others.
Extreme wealth hoarding is bad for everyone--both the poor and the rich.

I'm going to assume this isn't "lottery" ultra-wealthy where you can spend it all and suddenly be back to destitute. So you say you wouldn't live that differently, and immediately begin with "quitting work." That's the first step, because being wildly wealthy does change you incrementally because in this situation you've just bought yourself a commodity that once spent can't be bought back, time.
You now have 40 hours a week that you were giving to someone else. Add on 5-10 hours for commute time (.5 to hour commute) that can get up to 50 hours for whatever the hell you want to do.
Buying a new car just a quick glance at Carmax and you're looking at around $13,000 for a standard sedan. Not many have that pocket change going around, much less to buy the house that at low end houses cost $100,000 so you're done, no worries, no muss, no fuss and you didn't give some company your money in interest because you bought for cash. And on buying houses, as competitive as the market is, buying with cash right now at least in my region is about the only way to do it.
So lets assume you're working from home right now, you gained back 40 hours. Hey, I want to have a party/trip/etc! Well, your buddies are all working, possibly can't afford to go on trip, night out to eat. Offer to pay, but it's still the getting the time off. They've got bills to worry about, the ones you're not even thinking about. Sometimes they'll show up, other times, not so much. So either you're out fishing and working on your hobbies during that 40, or working to a new project job wise which really by this point is how the wealthy keep getting more and more money because build up a new thing, hire someone else to run it, passive income. But you don't have your friends to hang out with, travel and the like, you'll run into the others that don't have those concerns because you can buy your way around inconveniences (airport seats are uncomfortable, but those lounges are nice. Why have to take connecting flights? etc) those are also going to be the ultra wealthy. And they have a standard of living that will look more and more "normal" to you. Little bit of peer pressure, little bit of "take a ride in my Lambo" and finding it fun, it's a frog in the pot situation, you'll go back to your roots and go "How did I live like this?"
- So just don't have any friends or desire to travel. Done.

I feel like the wealthy people you see are the ones who either get excitement from flaunting it or from lying about it (for example, mtv cribs was all fake). There are plenty of stories (yes i know they're just stories) about multi millionaires who drive the same old truck, wear regular blue jeans, and have a nice quiet (albeit larger than average) home.
It's not crazy at all. I just think we see the outliers more frequently than not because they want us to see them.

Over the years Ive worked up the salary I earn. I am not wealthy, just earn more than most. I am bad with money at the best of times, but I found my spending just naturally grew as I had more available to spend. If I was suddenly ultra wealthy, at the start I would probably live “normally” but honestly I would likely end up spending vastly more money just because its there
- Agreed, and it’s not necessarily something big or sudden. Over the years I’ve become more likely to hire someone to care for my yard, more likely to use the AC, more likely to not watch my spending at a restaurant. More likely to go overboard at Costco. I get a better cut of meat, more expensive beer, etc. these are all little niceties I can afford, but they add up to a much more expensive lifestyle that always seems to rise with my income

I have similar wants. Just a standard house, maybe some land for a bit of gardening, and a workshop to make things. Donate to certain charities and open source projects etc. Travel a bit.
But they're one little thing I'd do that would definitely show I'm rich:
I'd travel to local forest parks around the world, and bury actual treasure. Like a 3 gold bars. In in actual chest too. Maybe every now and then I'd do smaller treasures that are like a fancy sword or platinum ring or just medieval armor. Idk.
Then I'd go to the local university and set up riddles they'll lead to a part of a hidden map, with the map being hidden both throughout the university and maybe online too, depending.
But it wouldn't be a straightforward map. It would be a map to a random house built near the park. And somewhere in that house, would be the final map leading to the treasure.
Why? Because the world could use a little bit of magic adventuring I think. That's something that just doesn't really exist anymore in the modern era, in a way. I feel like finding treasure and going on a treasure hunt is something a lot of people as a kid probably thought would be fun.
And second, university students can always use some money, so they get first dibs too.
Likewise when I die any children I have would have to go to a mini mansion and solve the puzzles in order to get my last will that grants the finder my money.

Where do you start from? You're on lemmy, most likely work in tech but are too leftist to get promoted, to the drive a Tesla and get stock option paygrade
If you enjoy your job, and get enough income struggle to fulfill your basic needs, more money is just some extra comfort. Sure you could spend you holiday in a hotel rather than a camping and get designer furnitures rather than IKEA one. You could finally have the free room in you house to set up a lab.
So compared to people who don't even reach the (full time) minimal wage, you are way in advance.
Most rich people don't have such an extravagant lifestyle. And many people who show off areren't that rich( they could become if they stop getting debt and showing off)
- I'm self-employed contractor. I make enough to buy whatever I want, and I have plenty of savings. However, I often find that my anxieties boil down to finances. Even though things are good now, I'm always worried something bad might happen in the future. With enough money to retire, I wouldn't need to worry about that anymore and could move on to worrying about other things, like my health and such.
  
  Not sure if you've ever come across FIRE (financially independent, retire early)? Mr Money Moustache is a pretty interesting blog to read about his journey.
  https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/blog/

Congratulations, you are living your life according to some values and standards, instead of just being envious and dissatisfied all the time.
- just being envious and dissatisfied all the time.
  What does this mean?
  
  https://www.grimmstories.com/language.php?grimm=019&l=de&r=en

Definitions matter, 18% of American households are millionaires. Many of them live just as you describe.
Ultra wealthy is likely much higher. Let's say $100 million or more. This is unlikely to happen overnight (in the literal sense.)
I don't see how it wouldn't change you. Even giving the money away would change your time use. (If I gave away $10 million, I would be checking on how it is used. And be very critical.)
Even just removing annoyances will change you. A nicer car, then why deal with traffic. Food prep turns into no going to the store, which turns into not knowing about advances in checkout scanners (see George HW Bush during some election.)
Maybe it is not your not changing. The world always changes. Will you change with it?

Yeah, everyone always talks about having a "hole" they need to fill with something... I'm pretty sure I don't have that. I enjoy stuff, I'm a pretty happy person. But I don't really -need- anything, other than sustenance stuff. I like having more stuff, but it's not that important to me. I live well below my means, so my extra money just kind if piles up. My dad always says money just sitting there in the bank could be "working for you", but then he always lives paycheck to paycheck and stresses about money all the time, that lifestyle didn't "work for me". I'd rather just have that money sitting there and be stress free instead, that works for me.
I like VR quite a bit, so I like to make sure I have a current headset and computer. But those are both pretty cheap. Computer is like 3% of my yearly income, but I only need a new one every 5 years or so, and the old one still sells for decent. And the headsets are less than 1% of yearly income.
If I won a lottery or something, I would probably just become a secret philanthropist, well, more of one. But don't tell anyone, it's a secret. I do like just randomly helping people with stuff. Money makes that easy, but I help with whatever I can. Despite being autistic, I am somehow inexplicably also strongly empathic. So I'm ultimately a people pleaser, but very much an introvert with heavy social anxiety. So yeah, I like to make people feel good, without them knowing it was me, cuz getting credit would suck for me.
I don't think we really get to choose alot of our behaviour, we are mostly a product of our genetics plus our life experiences. I'm honestly not even sure about free will. Did I actually make any choices that could have been different, or was the answer I eventually settled on always going to be what I was going to do based on everything that happened leading up to it and my perception of those events. I suppose ultimately, it doesn't matter. I like the way I am, and I wouldn't change anything if I could, so it doesn't matter if I probably can't anyway.
- Keeping large amounts of cash in the bank is not a very smart financial move. Due to inflation, you're effectively losing money. You should have enough cash to get you through a crisis without needing to touch your investments, but the rest should be put into low-cost index funds, for example. I "earn" more from interest each year than the vast majority of people can save from their wages. In my opinion, working-class people can't afford to miss out on the phenomenon of compounding interest. That should be taught in schools. Other than owning a house, it's basically the only other way to generate any significant amount of wealth for average person.
  
  This thread is about feeling like we already have enough money, lol. Yes, they taught us about compound interest in school. I know I could be making more money, but I don't want more money, I want my money to just be sitting there so I don't have to worry about it. My dad is always so stressed out because he never has any money on hand, it's always tied up in stuff and he has to constantly micromanage everything. I'm sure he has more money than he would have if he wasn't doing that... but it certainly isn't the "passive" income he claims it is. It's more work than his actual job, and the stress is costing him years off his life on top of the time it already costs to manage it all.
  I have enough money. More money would be a waste. I don't want to do even a fraction of what he does, it can just sit there and I can just chill. I like my life.

I'd think you would end up living differently just because of the scale.
Let's say you were suddenly handed 100 million dollars. Lottery, inheritance, whatever.
I don't know what your annual salary is, but for me, that's 694.4 years worth of annual income.
So "paying myself" my current annual salary, which NGL, is pretty comfortable, it would take 694.4 years to burn through $100M.
Of course interest changes that as well. Capping yourself at whatever your annual income is would likely see your wealth continuing to grow and never shrink.
All of a sudden, a world of possibilities opens to you. Vacation rentals? Screw that, vacation HOMES. AirBNB them 96% of the time (50/52 weeks a year) and that's more money on the pile.

So, we have a reasonable house but one that still needs a lot of work. I had a dream that someone offered us a million dollars for it in a forced sale because there were apartments to be built on our block, and I realized that wouldn't be enough. I wouldn't move out of our house for a million dollars. I want to live here.
If we got stupid money, I'd do all the stuff to the house that we want to do. I think we'd travel more too.
Having been both so poor I was homeless and now firmly middle class and everything in between - there is lifestyle creep with more money. We have done some of the stuff to the house that it needs, we host family holidays and parties, it costs money; we have two cars, not one, pets, occasional trips to the beach with a hotel stay instead of just for the day.
But the curve of this lifestyle inflation flattens as we approach our ideal, if that makes sense. There is a point where more just isn't better. We are so close to it now.
So if the money was infinite, but couldn't be distributed to others as charity, I think we would retire, travel, improve the house, get new cars (well, husband would, I love my car). Not move, not live super large, not eat much differently.
Either that, or I would open a little bar in my neighborhood, give up the dream of leisure and make it a wonderful, welcoming place with great drinks and food, start a business as my kids all are almost grown. That's more likely, I am not so good at slowing down.

You are suddenly super rich. Now all your friends and family expect you to provide for them. Every kindness they offer is suspect, are they doing it because they like you or because they want your money? How can you really know?
You don’t have to work and can go anywhere in the world. But your friends still have jobs, so you travel alone.
Some of your friends start to resent your new lifestyle. Others may just be staying quiet. You read about “crabs in a bucket” and distance yourself more from them.
It’s really isolating, but you meet some other wealthy people and you know they don’t need your money. And… you actually have some stuff in common with them. Yes Ibiza is overrated, but they suggest another place to check out. You go out with them to amazing restaurants that your old friends wouldn’t even appreciate. You can commiserate about how hard it is to get good help these days.
On top of all that, you slowly start to notice an emptiness inside. You should be happy! You don’t have to work anymore! You have everything you could ever want! Why do you feel this way!?!? Drugs and expensive purchases fill the need momentarily. If try telling your old friends that you’re not all that fulfilled, they’ll pull out the world’s tiniest violin for you. You lack purpose and goals, and feel like you are drifting in a life of luxury completely devoid of meaning.
If you’re lucky you find a way to have a new purpose in life and accept that the money changed you. If not you spiral and, best case scenario, wind up broke.
- Don't have to worry about your friend's motives if you honestly want to help them.
  Travel a little bit. Spend most of your time at home, either enjoying the simple pleasures, or with friends and family.
  So what if they are taking advantage of you? You are rich! What's the downside?
  Sure, you have to be vigilant against con artists, grifters, and addicts. You have to draw a line somewhere. Maybe don't fund their casino trips, drug trips, or Candy Crush high score.
  Extravagant birthday gifts? College tuition for your niblings? Why not?
  If someone is lying to you, you will find out eventually. I'd rather have friends now and let future me deal with the fallout from the grifters.
  
  The "why not" is that some people actually are harmed not helped by being handed stuff. I tried to help one of my friends who lived with me rent free for a year and by the end he was completely unmotivated to actually get or keep a job, contribute around the house, or even behave pleasantly towards anyone in the house. It happened gradually over time til living with him became intolerable.
  
  One of those guides to “what to do if you win the lottery” says to, up front, decide how much and who you want to fund. Want to buy all your friends and family houses and college tuition? Sure.
  But the thing is that money can make people go crazy. Some people will always want more. Sure you got them a house, but you’re rich, why can’t you get them a car too? And now they’re a little behind on bills, surely you can help them out, right? And it never stops. Not everyone, but someone.
  You might be interested in this podcast episode that touches on the subject: https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/between-two-worlds/

I guess this is essentially a philosophical question. Kind of like "would you defend your country?"
You can say you would but how could you ever really know unless the situation actually arises? Perhaps it's just my ego trying to convince I'm notably different from others.

Being rich turns you greedy. Not you in particular, rather: any of us. Almost everyone. You become more worried about hanging on to what you have and less concerned with the welfare of others. The good news is that you can be reminded to be compassionate and it will help. If you are asked to imagine yourself in another's place, you can become more aware of how others feel. If, however, you are left to your own devices, you are likely to change for the worse without even noticing. I am thankful Melinda Gates married Bill and got him to engage in charities. I think a lesser woman may have allowed him to be a horrible person.
There's lots of studies out there, but here's a quick link with the summary of a few of them: https://blog.ted.com/6-studies-of-money-and-the-mind/
- The way I think about it is that being "rich" means having a lot of money in the bank, whereas being "wealthy" means having enough investments to live off passive income indefinitely. Rich people can still live effectively from paycheck to paycheck, while a wealthy person's wealth is tied up in assets. This means they can't necessarily splurge a ton of cash on a yacht or similar luxuries, but they can live comfortably off the interest without having to work. Billionaires, on the other hand, are a whole different animal because they can afford to do both and much more.
  
  Rich people can still live effectively from paycheck to paycheck, while a wealthy person’s wealth is tied up in assets. This means they can’t necessarily splurge a ton of cash on a yacht or similar luxuries, but they can live comfortably off the interest without having to work.
  Wealthy people can use their wealth to secure low interest loans when they want to splurge. They just don't tend to do it as much as rich people because the mindset that leads to long term wealth involves splurging less offen and only when it is affordable without negatiely impacting their wealth.

I think most people who win the lottery for example, make bad choices and end up losing that money anyways.
I'd say it's possible to a degree. But it's certainly not easy. If you own a bigger house, you need someone to clean it. Same for other nice things like a big pool. A large, well-maintained lawn etc. There will be people envying your wealth and you got to deal with them. You need someone to manage your money and assets, or have lots of spare time to deal with all of that. And it'll be at the cost of your hobbies. If you have too may people doing stuff for you, you need people to manage those people...

100%

I would only live differently in that I would actually be able to do everything I want to do instead of doing nothing because I can't afford to do anything. Better home, better car, better gaming setup and I'd actually leave the house once in a while for more than just work and getting consumable goods like food, TP, soap, etc. And there isn't a lot I want to go out for. Bowling, pool, going up to Yosemite or down to Santa Cruz (gas is insane).

I remember having a guy living near me who made quite a fair bit of money, but since he was Christian he donated most of it to charity and just lived a normal middle class life lol

I don't think you're kidding yourself, i think you're just capable of introspection and critical thought.
I frankly consider the excessive spending and flaunting of wealth that many people do to be a sign of pretty profound unhappiness, they're just trying to desperately fill a void inside them and distracting themselves with constant consumption.
No, looking at the world and at history we can see what actually makes people happy, and those things are quite simple: having a social group, being in nice places, and having hobbies. Of course there are other things too but these are the basic pillars.
Personally if i got a shitload of money i'd invest it in founding organizations to improve the world and funding existing efforts to do the same, because it's very clear that i personally benefit from everyone else having good lives. I want everyone to be so well off that you can drop me naked in any random place and i never ever have to worry about anything, i can 100% rely on people just giving me clothes and food and being able to travel for free, THAT is the ultimate freedom.

You actually won't become wealthy.
The people who weren't born destined for it are the only ones that sit around imagining what it would be like...
I'm just a "temporarily embarrassed millionaire!"

Dunno bud, I've met and heard about a lot of rich people in my life (my partner builds high-end houses), and they've all been absolute assholes, though some more overly than others. I know exactly 2 nice rich people out of dozens.
My theory is two-fold: one, to get rich you probably screwed somebody else over, and two, once you get rich you feel an inherent need to protect your resources without ever actually feeling satisfied (gated communities, voting for your own self-interest, suspicion towards normal people).
I do think that having large sums of money almost always lead toward personal corruption, and I wish we all just had enough resources and societal support to be healthy and happy.

It's all a hypothetical, feel free to just decide you are that type of person. No harm in it.
In real life though, if money is no object, the difference between a 2017 normal car and a 2025 luxury car is literally just "do you want extra features and a bigger screen on a car that will last longer?" It just doesn't make sense to get the cheaper version, unless you are giving up something else because you only have a limited amount of money.

66 comments