Check In Thread: How Are You Doing, Comrade?

Baaaad.
Good news: BF recovered from COVID about two weeks ago. Yay!
Bad News: He took up the bottle again for reasons too complex to talk about here. Then he tried to start a fight over something that is a legit grievance(I failed to be attentive to his needs, check in more) but when I tried to deescalate he continued to try and fight, and threatened to follow me if I tried to get away. (

After giving him 24 hours to cool off- he did it again over text.
So, I told him to get his stuff, now he's my ex boyfriend.
I was shocked with his behavior. He's a grief counselor ffs. But he is also a recovering alcoholic and I just met who he is after a weekend bender.
Sucks.
- That sounds hard comrade. A partner I had experienced alcohol issues in their family and it really is a challenge for everyone involved.

- Sending good vibes and wishing you find peace

Talked to my therapist, thinking about starting HRT. I just don't wanna do it while I'm living with my mom (she's not exactly anti-trans, just weird and uncomfortable about it) but we're still living together and will be until I can get a job and find a place of my own :(
- Hope youre able to get into a better situation soon ❤️

I'm having a bad time!
I'm single for the first time in my adult life after 8 years with the same person, so I'm using this time to try and vetter myself and get control over my vices now that I've got the freedom to introspect at my pace.
I've mostly quit smoking weed, and significantly cut back on cigarettes, and I've increased my drinking now that I've realized that I don't actually have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and was just afraid of it because of my parents being alcoholics.
I'm in a new city with no friends, no family, and no support system, so it's been really rough, but I'm determined to come out of this shit clean on the other side.
Thank you for asking, I've been looking for a place to vent a little
- Take care of yourself comrade
  
  I'll do my best! ☺️
- please don't drink too much, alcoholism is a progressive disease and the more you drink and the longer you drink a lot the more likely you are to realize three years from now that you have a huge problem. believe me i know.
  
  I never drink more than one drink in a night, and never when I'm in a bad mood. Generally I only drink with friends, but sometimes I'll crack open a beer when I'm gaming. It's a rarity. That I've slightly increased it, should probably alarm me though, especially given my current situation.
  Your concern is both noted and appreciated, genuinely.

First time listener, first time caller. Homeschool for our two kids starts next week, and we are studying Dad's Extremely Anti-Colonialist Early Modern History: Part One™ this year. Can't wait
- Sounds cool! Let us know how it goes!
- We did commie homeschool for three years since the pandemic started, but my kids said that they wanted to go back this year, so they're going, although they won't be taking off their n95s at school. I'm pretty anxious about them getting sick (or getting me sick) and hope that they change their minds, but I support whatever decision they make. We studied really well together and I was really impressed with how basically any kind of problem can be overcome with enough attention, resources, encouragement, etc. They head back tomorrow. Good luck with this adventure.
  
  That's a bittersweet feeling for sure. We went through the same thing last year, sending them to public school after two great years of homeschool; we wanted to give them a chance to learn some social skills, make some friends, and just generally get a sense of what public school is like so that they have that cultural reference point going forward.
  If it helps at all, they managed to avoid COVID (thank you, KF94 masks), built some great friendships that have grown outside of school, and got to participate in some fun stuff that they would have otherwise missed. It also gave them a greater appreciation for the fun and flexibility of homeschool.
  So: good luck tomorrow and for the rest of the schoolyear! And maybe don't give away all your homeschool stuff just yet.
- Roughly how old are the kids? I could ask down the street about materials for teaching kids / work sheets (they are mostly focused on science and practical things for kids though, German academic material).
  
  They're 9 and 6. We're in the very fortunate position of having too many resources available, so we're trying to pare down what we're doing to avoid frying their brains. That said, there's a real shortage of homeschool resources in the Lemmy world, so anything you've got that handy will be useful. Thanks, and you're awesome

Hungry, trans, and really tired
I need to voice train
the usual depression about the fall of the soviet union, I miss it every day
get maybe some clothes too, but I've never cared too much about those, I'll try when I actually have some goddamn estrogen
realizing I came out to two of my friends yesterday, they were very supportive, just hasn't registered yet. They are the only people I know IRL that know this information.
Also the fact that they knew for months and were just waiting for me to open up about it was hilarious, apparently I give off "trans vibes" (idk what that means either) and how my family just has not picked up on it at all.
life is a fuck but things seem to be looking up in the short run.
- Sending good vibes
  
  You're the best
- Proud of you.
  Keep it up, you're doing great!
  
  aww thanks, ya gonna make me cry ya'll the best

Lawdy, already a fair share of negative times here, so I feel bad adding.
I'm really filled with despair this week. Despite a sizeable salary, other family conditions mean I have some very big financial problems, interest rates, housing costs, and food prices are spiking, and I think my problems are only going to get worse, and ruin my relationships with my family and my partner. I don't want to keep working a shitty job I hate just for life to remain shitty / get shittier for me and for everyone I love.
I don't see a way out right now, I can't see any glimmer of hope, so continuing to live just feels quite pointless and filled with pain. I'm doing my best to chill out, hang on, and hope the despair goes away. Time will tell I guess.
Thanks for the check in though
And serious love to all my comrades, many of whom also seem to be having a rough time of it at the moment.
- don't feel bad about sharing. misery famously loves company.
  love to you and yours comrade. i hope you make it through.

I'm exhausted comrades
I work a job currently that is 60 hours a week... 5 days with 12 hours. No breaks, though the work isn't that hard. And although it's hourly I get no overtime. No paid leave, no sick leave.
I don't know how much longer I can stand it but there's not really any other jobs that I can pay the bills with around, at least until my SO graduates college and can start helping pay the bills.
I had a fever of 102° yesterday but still had to go in because I don't feel like I have much choice.
Also I feel so disconnected from society. I know literally nobody here. I moved close to my SO's school so we could live together. A year and a half later I have no friends, no connections. No social life. Working 60 hours doesn't help either. But it's not a large town and there doesn't seem to be a lot of people around my age or other opportunities to form connections.
- Hope you're feeling better today! Have you tried looking for any groups online in your area?

Im doing really well, in my social and political theory class i discoverd my professor is a marxist because he told me to read max weber, and all my other classes to me are all very interesting
- i discoverd my professor is a maxist because he told me to read max weber
  the "because" is a bit confusing here. your professor is marxist, ok, but how you deduced it? max weber is super interesting and a great read, however, he is not associated with Marxism. his writings have frequently been interpreted as opposing Marxist ideas, particularly in the United States. for example, Parsons held a strong admiration for Max Weber because he saw him as an alternative to marx
  
  He said MAXist
  
  You kind of have to talk about Weber in pol theory classes, it is foundational even though not the first person having thought about a lot of stuff. It also is good to be able to critique the conceptions as many pol sci people hear Weber, hear Carl Schmitt (right wing Max Weber for conservative authoritarians and Nazis basically) and a few others and then just repeat those points and look down on anyone having a wider set of political knowledge.
  
  I forgot to add he also praised marx and engels and criticized neoliberalism, he called the ussr bureaucratic so i think he is a trot
- Ayy that's awesome! Hope the semester goes well!

Depressed, unsure about a lot in life. Anyone else have brain fog? I feel like everything recently has to be an eli5. Feel isolated and without friends.
- Hope it clears up soon
- Thank you for this comrade.

- When I left school and couldn't afford university, my closest family/friends just left/got really busy all at once, and suddenly it was me. It took about 8 years before I felt able to form meaningful friendships again. I'm sure you'll do better than that, but, not a fun time, however long.
  You've been a cool-seeming person everywhere on this site I've seen ye, so I'll second the offer of a casual chat sometime if fancied.
- If you ever want casual chat, my inbox is open, as are the ones of many here, im sure!

- Hope you find peace

- Sending love and good vibes. You gave them a great life
- I’m so sorry comrade, that must be awful. Thinking of you and hoping your grief fades and the happy memories remain

Surviving, temps are below 90's for the last few days. Down from the 100+ they have been for the last month.
Friend of my wife dropped off a small air conditioner after casually mentioning the unpleasant sounds coming from current air conditioner. So, we've finally got a tiny A/C unit to keep the bedroom cool enough to sleep in.
Keep flipping a coin on whether I'm going to buy a cell phone battery to try to keep this ancient iPhone 6 going or scraping together the cash to buy a reasonably priced newer model and by that I mean some other refurbished smart phone from like 5 years ago or something.
looks at the notifications icon I really should read those. Been a bit too tired from the heat to want to read through them. Its going to be like finding some hidden presents from last years birthday/Christmas when I get around to it.
Time to go take care of the animals.
Be cool with yourselves.
- How are the aminals doing?
  
  Everybody definitely looks hot but surviving.
  Spending a fair amount of time changing out hot/mucking water with cool well water. The critters appreciate it.

Girl I have been chasing isn't texting me while she deals with ongoing family drama. About to go into work at a job that's come to be extremely stressful, one I sought originally to get less stress. I had acting class at community college today. Called out sick yesterday because I was super depressed and having back pain and needed to do homework anyway. Made a wire sculpture of my shoe for 3D design class.
Have been obsessively playing Baldur's Gate 3 for over a week now and got like 80 hours in so far. Thinking about writing but not doing much of it.
TLDR sad but plugging along, the usual
- Sending good vibes and i hope things look up soon

- Hell yeah

pretty good! I did a repair on my car that involved removing the camshaft sprocket and I managed to do it without destroying my engine! previously it was struggling to make it to 40mph and now it zips around and accelerates smoother than when I got it :)
- Fuck yeah thats baller

good, thank you
- Glad to hear it!

Eh. Mixed bag. I finished my doxycycline treatment for Lyme and feeling maybe 75% better than I did a few weeks ago. Hope it continues to improve.
Girl I was casually seeing decided to break things off, which is good because I really wasn't feeling it either. Just mildly distraught because, even though it was mutual, I'm genuinely starting to wonder if I'm actually dateable. I'm kind of weird and have niche interests and am generally pretty aimless in life. So not really an ideal partner for anyone. I know the answer is to just fix those things but...
Otherwise I've decided to actually start going to a gym. I've done light home workouts before but never actually gone to a real gym. I know everyone feels some level of embarrassment at first but I'm nervous. I'm so clearly not fit (6'4 lanklet) that it'll be rough at first, I'd imagine. But maybe it's the sort of routine that I need.
- Hell yeah for the gym! Hope it helps you!
  
  Thanks! I hope so too
- Thanks for reminding me to go to the gym lmao
  a fascist worked out today, did you?

i had good naan the other day and im still stoked about it

I’m having a hard time. My kitty who has been with me since her birth has her euthanasia scheduled for Friday. Shes had a good long happy life, and we’ve made the decision to give her rest before she begins to truly suffer, and I’m confident we’re making the right choice, but it still hurts so bad
- The first corgi I fostered was a hospice foster. If you ever need an ear, hit me up. Shit sucks. Sending love
  
  Thank you, I really appreciate it. My little lady came from a foster too, her mom was pregnant when we fostered her, and mine was the runt of the litter. She’s always been the sweetest most affectionate cat ever. I’m very thankful that we are able to give her a comfortable death surrounded by those who love her; we’ve not always had that option for some of my other animal companions. I will definitely hit you up if I need an ear, thank you

I started therapy last week. Gonna work on getting my ASD diagnosis. Lost my job a few weeks ago(it was well paying and what I went to school for.) I guess I'm not cut out to be a software developer either. I'm taking that pretty hard since I guess I shouldn't have wasted my time with school if I was gonna end up at the same spot...
Severe depression is in overdrive now. I'm numb. I don't want to be here anymore. But I have a wife and 2 kids that love me and I love them and I'm tethered to this god-forsaken place for them. If I didn't have them, I'd probably kill myself. I'm 40 years old and can't keep a job for more than 2 years. I'm fucking useless. I've been unemployed more than I have been employed since I first started working. I get a job and try my best and after a while I just get fired. It's how it is.
Back to the super depressing bullshit that is filling out job applications. A-fucking-gain... I'm not qualified for anything. and what I am qualified for pays bullshit wages.
Had an anxiety attack that lasted a week. It wasn't bad so much as just there the entire time. I cried 5 times last week over various stupid shit.
I signed up and got accepted into the Marxist Unity Group pre-screening stuff but didn't know I was supposed to read 100 pages of their text a week I would be more on board for that if they had it in a format that worked on my ereader but it's only in pdf. I've tried several times to convrert it but the text parses all fucky and you end up with page headers and citations stuff in the middle of paragraphs. I donno if I wanna bother trying more. But the group aligns with a lot of what I wanna see with the left coming together as a unified party.
Still trying to work on learning Kotlin for no fucking reason since entry level Kotlin developers require 5+ years of experience so like do I just make stupid fucking apps for 5 years without being able to afford to feed my family and then hope I can get a job? There is a small thing I wanted to write for the Jerboa app, but idk if they would accept it as a merge. I think I know enough that I can add left-handed mode for comments and it's a feature request. I also wanna make a feature that pushes images in feed view to the left because I liked that about Sync for Reddit.
If anyone knows someone hiring remote for shitty software developer or self-taught Linux nerd, I'm looking for a job. No worries if they fire me in 2 years, as a prereq. since I'm used to it.
Maybe I should take writing back up. I was working on a meta-horror book series that I just sort of stopped after chapter 2... is anyone interested in a horror story that makes fun of horror tropes?
- I hope you can put together one of those Jerboa PRs and it gets reviewed and merged. It sounds like you deserve a win. Keep us posted
  
  I looked at the codevase last night and I don't think I'm ready lol.
  I did finally get this damn viewModel working seemingly correctly in this small project I'm working on though. It still doesn't work correctly but the data is now passing between activities.

- I feel that. I get the same way in a crowd, especially with new people. Good luck!

Hi, I'm new to the community and just wanted to say I fucking love it here so far. Everyone is so fucking nice and understanding while being honest and authentic, I genuinely have learned so much and love coming back to this site. This thread is the perfect example lol.
Doing pretty great. Starting a new job in two weeks I'm excited for! Questioning whether I have autism. Went out and had a good night socializing and shit. Life is doing pretty good rn.
- Welcome! Glad to hear you're doing well!

I watched Over The Garden Wall and it was just fine. I don't get the hype.
- :
- I'm not super familiar with it, what is that?
  
  It's a cartoon network series about a mysterious otherworld, with an old timey flair

Just ate a soft taco for lunch. So I'm pretty happy rn. Mr. Softie is being himself so that's makes me double happy.
- Hell yeah!

- Good luck!

- BE SAFE! Keep us posted!
- Hurricane Party: https://youtu.be/zHBU5WZ4-Gs?si=yVqYujOuY1YES7Be

I really need to keep writing code, and instead of that I keep being anxious about my future.
- I do the same with my work. Hope you're able to finish what you need!

Im doing okay I think. I started teaching English to foreign students this summer. And it's alright, the work is draining, and follows me home too. So not a fan of that. Also while the pay is good 44 bucks an hour. That does not include the hour or 3 it takes me to build a lesson. So it turns out I'm making about the same as I've been making at the grocery store. I enjoy not being physically exhausted after a day of teaching. But I am now mentally exhausted instead and kind of just watch youtube for 3 hours before falling asleep. And this was just teaching 4 times a week. The full time teachers are teaching 5 days and for 5 or 6 hours a day. I can't imagine having the energy to do that.
So I'm switching back to working mostly at the grocery store starting in a few weeks. I get paid what I work and when I'm at home I don't need to think about work.
I don't know what the right choice is. I feel like a weak willed wimp who can't just suck it up and commit to working hard enough to make the teaching thing work. I feel like the grocery store job is going to break my body eventually though.
I just want to put in some work, make enough to provide food for myself and my significant other. And I'm just feeling like no matter what I do I'm running to stay in place or falling behind. This is all completely ignoring that I often feel like my teaching is completely terrible and I'm going to ruin someone's education, but I think that is just imposter's syndrome.
Thanks for giving me a place to vent this out.

- Sometimes thats all you can ask for

This past weekend, I got texted by a friend asking if I was invited to a party I was not invited to by some people from our dance group. About 23 people were invited. She asked because she and her husband were not, and was sure that if I came, I would make sure they were invited. I felt hurt by that, but I also learned who my friends are.
On the other hand, I have finally got over my anxiety around the whole thing, and finally decided to go to some kink stuff, munches and that, and it's been going great! People there are easy to talk to and quite similar to me. I am intimidated by my lack of experience, as well as the idea of asking anyone to play, but being with them feels quite good!
- Hell yeah, glad things are looking up!

Super stressed tbh.
Starting estrogen right as college starts up again, then two weeks later my brother is getting married and I gotta be in the closet for it which sucks, then the very next day my internship is starting so I'm gonna be wiped.
- You'll make it through! Good luck!

- Reconnecting is awesome! Happy to hear that for ya!

Great! The ADHD meds are working extremely well for me and I can actually do stuff, both boring stuff and stuff I like.
Living in a constant state of unexplainable anxiety is apparently something you can treat with medicine sometimes.
Life is still bad in many ways, few actual friends, few chances for romance, still have to deal with some bad coping habits. But at least I can face these things better.
- Glad the meds are working! Lemme ask, I have an ADHD screening coming up in 2 hours actually - what should I expect from the process?
  
  the purpose of the screening is to try and exclude other causes than ADHD for your symptoms.
  They are trying to find out if the symptoms have been consistent throughout your life.
  I had to answer a lot of questions about how I was as a child which is hard because you know, I have ADHD, I don't really have many concrete long term memories, just vibes

Going back to school half time on top of a relatively comfy job and oof I forgot how much I hate change, plus the workload is a bit daunting.
Trans dungeon started up and it seems like they're taking covid precautions super seriously. Want to be involved but don't want to overload myself. But I need social interaction...
- Good luck! You can do it!

yesterday they delivered a mattress and one of those adjustable bed frames i ordered a few weeks ago, and took away my old mattress (14 years, originally $200). i haven't had a good night's sleep in probably 3+ years and only thought about "maybe it's the mattress" after stumbling on some discussion online where somebody posted almost-religiously about figuring out their sleep style and getting a decent mattress to suit it.
so fuck it, i did the whole deal where i went to a place and laid down on a bunch of mattress/frame configurations. almost zonked out in the store on one of them in a few minutes. my first night (last night) i slept like a rock. normally i toss and turn like an angry pig, trying to do some kind of bullshit pillow+blanket contortion tetris. this was the first time my morning alarm woke me up in god knows how long, with me being in the near exact position i laid down in. normally the first hint of light has me waking up and stirring around in addition to all the other times i would do it throughout the night.
all this set me back a chunk of change, but its starting to look like one of my all time best moves.
- We just got a new couch and it's nice to not be poked by springs. Hell yeah, glad the new mattress is working!
  
  comfy furniture is the best!

I keep getting triggered(not like the internet meme, PTSD triggered) and telling my boyfriend dumb shit when he's already having a hard time. How do I not be like this?
That"s been weighing on me but I'm good otherwise.
- Sending good vibes. Have you considered therapy at all? Might be a benefit.
  
  I have but due to irl circumstances I won't be able to for a few more months. I will be getting an appointment as soon as I can.

Shite tbh
- Wanna talk about it?

Met some really cool new people over the past few months and made friends, turns out they're all LGBT like me lmao. I find it very interesting how we all sussed each other out and became friends, gaydar is definitely real for me at least lol. They're the only people I'm out of the closet to in real life now, so yeah being semi-closeted sucks. Also not able to see them in person for a while yet, which is also shit.