Update regarding Hexbear's misogyny problem - planned actions and request for feedback
Update regarding Hexbear's misogyny problem - planned actions and request for feedback
Hi comrades, want to give you all an informal update on the discussions around the site's misogyny problems that've been happening over the last several days. I wanna make sure you know that the admin/mod team has seen all of that discourse and we've been actively discussing solutions in the matrix mod chat. We're taking this shit very seriously and acknowledge that we haven't used a heavy enough hand on misogynistic rhetoric. As some of you saw we nuked that cheating thread from a couple weeks ago and handed out temp bans to the most egregious offenders. Idk how that was allowed to run it's course but we apologize for that oversight. We're going to do better.
We've come up with some ideas for how to improve this part of the site culture and we want to get suggestions from y'all as well, since the alarm was sounded on this by our beautiful c/traa posters to begin with. Our ideas so far include:
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A zero-tolerance policy towards any even remotely misogynistic/patriarchal posts or comments, as too much has slipped through the cracks on that, establishing a clear protocol for bans for violating rules against misogyny, and ideally tracking repeat offenders in a way that makes deciding a course of action easy when they reoffend.
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Uphold TC69 thought by starting up a book club (and hopefully more to follow) on feminist theory and encouraging mass participation, particularly from the he/him's on the site. "The Will to Change" by bell hooks has been suggested by multiple people as a great starting point but please feel free to suggest any other works.
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Relaunching /c/menby with a trusted educated mod team and a specific focus on countering mainstream narratives about masculinity, relationships and sex that breed reactionary, patriarchal attitudes
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Encouraging [namely femme] participation in /c/womenby and taking steps to revitalize that sub as an excellent source of discussion on feminism and intersectionality
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Holding another mod drive to get more folks into mod positions in our communities who can help weed out reactionary attitudes
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Encouraging users to use the report button often on any post that seems even remotely sus, with the promise that no one's going to be punished for "report abuse" for reporting posts in obvious good faith
Please let me know your thoughts on the above or any other ideas you have for making the site better, safer and more inclusive for our femme comrades. Once we've fully hammered out plans and updated policy we plan to make an announcement post highlighting these changes for the whole userbase. Thank you all for being here and being who you are 
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Does that cheating thread still exist? I didn't see it, but I saw it described in these comments. As someone who has been in the position of being in love with a woman who was hiding an already-existing boyfriend, my gut reaction was "fuck her, the guy should know that she's cheating and shame on her for leading another person on while she's already in a relationship." I'd like to see the context and hear the arguments for why telling the boyfriend is a bad idea so I can do some self crit if necessary, because purging misogyny is always a good thing.
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The OP had limited information, all he knew was that the lady he was seeing was evidently married.
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The proper channel is one-on-one, to talk to the person you've been seeing and challenge them to come clean. Going to whoever they've been dating doesn't give them the chance to explain themselves or make amends.
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There's a chance that the lady had a good reason for secrecy, perhaps that she was in the process of trying to dissolve the relationship in the first place.
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"Hey I thought you should know I fucked your wife" is one of the more dangerous things you can say to a man.
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Just getting up and telling the guy would likely put the lady in danger of being harmed.
OP was justified in feeling deceived and uneasy about the hookup. But like so many other situations, there's a tact to be had: blurting out something to a stranger and showing all your cards is rarely the best way to go about things. It seemed like people who considered it agreed that the choice of action was a little rash.
Thank you for that response, those are all valid points.
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Thank you for linking
needs cw