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The presence of comma splices suggests you may not be old enough to have kids anyway.
Okay just play devil's advocate. The coma splices may not be as improper as you suggest . There is currently a debate among language scholars about this very thing. The question being is short form text, spoken work or written word. The way we use a text message or similar, is much more like the spoken word than the written word. Plus we are using in place of spoken word. So many linguists feel that it is acceptable to write it as we speak instead of how the rule of the written word dictate.
That is actually how I choose to write. I think about how I would be saying it, and if there's a slight pause (like just back there) then I'll use a comma.
Dad of 3, exactly how I write except the first comma is a hyphen.
You're right, this is how we talk.
its a meme, not prose submitted for the pulitzer prize.
or put in a more contemporary way. "Sir this is a wendy's"