4w ago

not a metaphor for anything

184 comments

It's a very interesting take that really makes you look at things from a different perspective, but it kinda breaks down if you think about it. If this person really was saying it like a pronoun with no offense intended, and they were using it to refer to half of everyone they spoke to, and it was how other people referred to that person themself too, then it would quickly seem fine to me. If everyone is calling people dipshit all the time then it quickly becomes nothing to care about
- Yeah, it's kinda like cunt with aussies and brits.
  
  Jesus fucking cunt, you cunt just drop cunt at every cunt you see or some cunts gonna get a cunt in their cunt about it
  
  Oi! You takin the piss, ye cunt?
  
  Nah cunt
  
  wanker
- I disagree. If I don't like being called dispshit, the thing to do is not call me dipshit. Your intent stops mattering the moment you know how I prefer to be referred to and actively decline to respect it.
  
  At the risk of bringing up a controversial topic, this principle seems to be applied inconsistently. Eg. the people who say "men are trash" and then "if it doesn't apply to you, it shouldn't hurt you" would probably agree with your stance, but this is inconsistent.
  
  They're the same kind of person that told me that I wasn't allowed to identify as queer because it's a slur, and I can't call myself a tomboy because it infantilizes women. Tons of people can't walk their talk, and anybody who says hypocrisy is absent from their demographic has a bridge to sell you.
- You could say intent matters.
  
  Depends. If you specifically have trauma from being called dipshit then it doesn't.
  
  Yeah, well... in this scenario where dipshit is an everyday word and used without malice, it's difficult to see how someone could have trauma from that.
  
  Have everyone, even people you care about and who supposedly care about you, call you something you hate for four or five decades. And they know you hate it, and you know they know, and they keep doing it anyway.
  It's not the name, it's the incessant implication that you and your wishes do not matter.
  
  "He" is an everyday word used without malice, but drag still doesn't like being called it.
  
  Oh hey, haven't seen you around, I hope you're doing well
  
  Lemmy... Isn't a great place for trans people. Drag had to take a step back.
  Drag was being harassed by someone who had a problem with the way drag talked someone down from suicide. Ada promised to help, but didn't. Drag didn't know, and thought the harasser was lying. When drag showed a screenshot of Ada saying she'd stop the harassment, Ada took offence. She thought she was being called a liar. Drag had no idea she broke her promise, drag thought it was all the harasser's fault. Drag got banned from Blahaj.
  
  If you don't like them, just block and move on with your life. We'd all be better off without your negativity.
- Yeah it's weird, I very much agree you should respect what people want to be called (unless maybe you feel they really lost all right to be respected, but then it's an active choice to insult) but the metaphor misses me so much it gives me the opposite reaction. If someone calls me some word that is normal to them but usually offensive to me I just think that's interesting that their culture is different for that word.
  Of course the non-asshole reaction here is to just say "ah sorry, it's a normal non insulting way of calling people where I'm from, didn't mean to offend you" and do your best to stop using it, but somehow this makes it harder for me to reach that conclusion.
  
  How strong is this example?:
  If someone calls me some word that is normal to them but usually offensive to me I just think that's interesting that their culture is different for that word.
  What comes to mind here, Australian-cunt?
  That’s super interesting agreed. Like how the heck did they get on the C U Next Tuesday train?
  …but it wasn’t used to slur us domestically, so we can be neutrally bemused.
  (PS, I’m not super sensitive about language usually, just looking to draw the tightest possible parallel)
- Yup. My coworkers like to swear, and I don't, so I just don't swear and they do. It works out pretty well. As long as I know there's no malice in it, it really doesn't bother me.
  
  The part about it not bothering you is key.
  
  This isn't even relevant. Swearing in general terms is not the same as referring directly to someone by a name they do not want to be referred to by.
  
  It has the same offensive element, which is what I was getting at.
  There's a big difference between someone doing it on purpose and them doing it on accident/out of habit. As long as I know there's no malice, I can deal with quite a bit.
  
  some things carry more weight than others
  and this falls apart when 2/3rds of that post was about after being asked to stop
- Yes, it does break down in a hypothetical situation like the one you describe. But in reality and communication there always will be grey areas where shoe box thinking does not work out in a harmonic way. The acceptable outcome could be that person A simply dislikes person B for not respecting his/her wish and person B is okay with being disliked. Both agree to not enact policies based on their wishes. For me it seems in reality this often fails because of ambiguity intolerance.

184 comments